The Dark Shadows Daybook: November 15

By PATRICK McCRAY

Taped on this date in 1967: Episode 367

After a seance thrusts Victoria backwards in time, she must contend with a representative of morality who tries to burn her clothing. Abigail Collins: Clarice Blackburn. (Repeat; 30 min.)

Victoria awakens to a suspicious Abigail, who wastes no time in proclaiming her to be possessed by Satan. The governess then visits an unfinished Collinwood, where she meets the dashing Jeremiah. Later, after the family debates taking her on as Sarah’s tutor, Victoria wins the job.

367 is an episode that holds a strange magic. Victoria is back in 1795, and, instead of just fainting and being carted off to her room, actually takes action exploring the world and carving a little place in it. She even challenges Abigail on the insanity of her religious fanaticism. In the space of 22 minutes, Victoria shows more gumption, drive, and nerve than she's probably displayed in the entire series and finally earns legitimate recognition as the heroine of the show. Since Barnabas will spend months as someone tantamount to a hapless victim, if not simply a hapless victim, Victoria becomes the lead we've been hoping to see for the past sixteen months.

The prior episode, which introduces Victoria to 1795, is even more magical, but it is so surreal and intoxicating that it feels like the dream for which Vicki mistakes it. In 367, we awaken from the dream, as does Victoria, and we find that it's still real. Bracingly so. From the start of 367, the show is off to the races. 366 finds Jonathan Frid trying a bit too hard to be the Blue Boy come to life, playing a wide-eyed innocence which is incompatible with his mordant, Canadian wit. An episode or two in, and Frid will be in his element. The only one in 367 who seems as ill-at-ease is Anthony George, and it never seems to take for him. Contrast this with Clarice Blackburn, who finally has a part worthy of her pointy and acerbic talent. She's like the bitter, hypocritical wives in the domestic WC Fields movies, and she will find a way to keep that shtick fresh until Barnabas does her in, months from now. Of course, Joan Bennett is finally playing to her strengths and reads like she walked right off the set of Man in the Iron Mask. In all of this, lends a touch of MGM grandeur to the proceedings. Most of all, Louis Edmonds is completely transformed as Joshua. It's the toughest role in the storyline to play. It requires him to be a stiff, unyielding representative of the double standard while still having a compassionate heart buried deep somewhere. His take on the job interview with Victoria lacks a script as funny as the one that will be perfected for the 1990 series, but the strange mixture of fairness and frugality in it makes for great TV.

Likewise, Lela Swift is composing shots and using lighting with a creativity and sense of art far beyond what we usually expect from her and hurriedly-assembled daytime soap operas. There's a unique thrill for Dark Shadows fans in seeing Collinwood still under construction, and the early morning sun with which it is lit gives an old set a brand-spanking-new aura. Back at the not-yet-Old House, in the scene where the family is considering whether or not to take on Victoria, Swift paints one meaningful screen picture after another. She lines up the characters from most skeptical to least, often balancing the screen picture with them. These are small touches, completely unnecessary for the practical job, but they have a sense of art that is clearly inspired by the unique nature of the episode. An incredibly complicated set of given circumstances is communicated with economy and panache.

1795, as a storyline, is as much about the mixed-blessing necessity of compromises as it is about anything. Barnabas compromises with Angelique. The entire family compromises with Abigail until it’s too late. But we also see Victoria compromise with Joshua and her own sense of honor as she lies her way into survival. A new skill for the usually honorable governess. She’s spent a year and a half as the measure of purity against which we judge the dirty hands of her fellow characters. Now, seeing life in a true survival mode, she’ll finally gain the skills and make the choices to ultimately understand. And figure out how to play the clavichord.

This episode was broadcast Nov. 21, 1967.

The Dark Shadows Daybook: November 15

By PATRICK McCRAY

Taped on this day in 1968: Episode 632

With Conrad Bain and Bobbi Ann Woronko, this much fun just can’t be legal. But will Maggie survive the wedding to Nicholas? Chris Jennings: Don Briscoe. (Repeat; 30 min.)

Nicholas and Maggie agree to marry that night and move to London. Chris attempts to reconcile with his sister, who throws gifts around Windcliff until he agrees to stay and enjoy more of this adorable behavior. As Nicholas performs his satanic wedding ceremony, Chris transforms into a werewolf and kills Mr. Wells, the innkeeper.

Comedies end in weddings and tragedies end in funerals. This does both. Several times over.

A little space guys?

The whole wedding business is not evidence of the Power of Love as much as the Power of Blind Panic. What is the plan, here? Does he think this will buy Satan’s sympathy. “I’m a married man, sir, with a bambino on the way…..”

“Oh, that changes everything.”

Maybe he hopes this will make him blend in. Satan will speak through the mouths of dozens of women, trying to page Nicholas, but he’ll never get to Maggie because he’s looking for a bachelorette, not a married lady. Fooled you, Diabolos! Ha-ha! Then, Nicholas will grab Maggie, untie the end of a chandelier, and go swinging across the balcony on a rope as Diabolos says, “Seize him you, fools! He’s getting away!” But by the time he does, Nicholas is already popping the champagne in his London flat as Maggie slips into either a teddy or a deep-sea, atmospheric diving suit.

I honestly think that’s Nicholas’ plan. And that’s partly because I can see Humbert Allen Astredo doing it. You can, too. Now, try to picture David Ford doing it. You can’t. Weird, huh? And what does Maggie have that’s so special, anyway? To tame a man from hell? It must be something. Everyone thinks that Carolyn gets all of the weird guys, but Maggie holds her own. Let’s compare…

CAROLYN                         MAGGIE
Buzz                         Barnabas
Tony                         Nicholas
Adam                         Probably Quentin
Chris
Jeb
And, kind of, her own uncle.

Okay, I take it back. Carolyn does get more of the weird ones. But Maggie tests well in the all-important Male Vampire and Satanist (ages 35-197) demographic. But they weren’t counting those then, and that’s why Star Trek was canceled.

It’s a marvelous episode, and I now have the recording of Nicholas conducting his own wedding ceremony to use as the backdrop for my own, if I ever find that special lady. I don’t necessarily mean “special” in a Bailey Jay manner, although now that I read that, I realize that I just made myself sound like a bigot. Okay, Bailey Jay, too, I suppose. I’m just talking about someone who’d actually marry me. And after this column comes out, I think that’s going to be a very rarified circle. So what I’m saying is that if you want your own occult wedding to me, you need to send your top three reasons why and a SASE to [email protected]. I have the blood of the raven and the blood of the bat, but you’re going to have to swing by Top Hat Liquors to get some blood of the owl, because I ran through all of mine when I gave that Eagle scout speech for the heir to a urinal cake manufacturing empire. (Which is partially a true story.)

Bobbi Ann Woronko and Robert Rodan. 

Conrad Bain.

Beauty queen, former Miss Pennsylvania, and fan contest winner, Conrad Bain, returns to steam up the screen on Dark Shadows as Mr. Wells, despite being deemed by network censors as “too frank and erotic” for some viewers. Also, keep your eyes peeled for Nurse Pritchett, played by the heartwarming Canadian character actor, Bobbi Ann Woronko. Okay, the names are scrambled around. And I doubt the network censors said that about Nurse Pritchett, although she’s easy on the eyes. Maybe she’ll marry me. It could be that it’s not Conrad Bain at all, but his twin brother, Bonar. Research this and come back to me.

Exactly as petulant and demanding as you’d expect, Denise Nickerson makes her debut today as either Molly or Amy. They can’t seem to figure out which. Molly was probably related to Julius Hoffman, who was played by Bonar Bain. It all comes full circle in a Jeremy Bearimy kind of way.

Speaking of bears, Chris turns into a werewolf and kills Conrad Bain.

Only the good die young.

This episode was broadcast Nov. 26, 1968. 

The Dark Shadows Daybook: NOVEMBER 15

By PATRICK McCRAY

Taped on this date in 1968: Episode 632

Nicholas is assailed on all fronts. Tom is late and Adam is missing. Well, at least he can marry Maggie -- he summons her just for that purpose. When Adam shambles in, Nicholas explains that she will provide the life force for the new Eve, but Adam has his reservations. Maggie later arrives and after much haggling, is persuaded to marry Nicholas. Meanwhile, Chris Jennings arrives at Windcliff to see his nearly abandoned little sister, Amy. She initially rejects his peace offering, but when he nervously proclaims that he will stay in Collinsport, she melts. He proceeds to the inn where he gets the most isolated room possible. Later, though, terrible crashing and moaning sounds in his quarters summon the innkeeper, Mr. Wells, who is attacked by something inside and killed. Meanwhile, Nicholas drugs Maggie and begins the black rites that will send Maggie to Hell and into his arms. 

Kathryn Leigh Scott and Bobbi Ann Woronko.

I probably left out the kitchen sink, because Diabolos knows, this one has everything else. I don’t even know where to begin, except to say that the team serves up another winner that will silence anyone who claims the show is boring or inert. Don Briscoe admirably commands the screen as Chris Jennings, exuding an authentic benevolence that counterbalances so much of the malevolence that traps the other characters. His kindness toward Amy provides one of the all-time warmest scenes on the show, and Denise Nickerson matches him with honesty and surprising steel for such a young performer making her debut on the show. Humbert Astredo also surprises in the episode by pushing Nicholas further and further beyond the cocky villain we first met many months ago. His humanity grows as his power wanes… or is it the other way around? Whereas once he could have commanded the dead with a mere gesture, he now has to slip Maggie a mickey just to get her to lie on a black altar. It’s a bad day overall for anyone associated with the Collinsport Inn, not just Maggie. Canadian hunk Conrad Bain is back to overwhelm the senses, and that much beefcake is just irresistible to a werewolf eager to sink his teeth into the beast called man. This also marks the debut of Chris as said werewolf, even though we don’t see him in lycan form. Finally, let’s give the clap -- the golf clap, thank you -- to beauty contest winner, Bobbi Ann Woronko, who appears in her contest prize role of Nurse Pritchett. It’s a performance so flat that it seems like real life. 632 is just one thing after another, including a surprising amount of blood on the late Mr. Wells. It’s his last appearance on the show, and such a wild episode reframes the show as something that is almost the total antithesis of episode 1, in which Bain also stole the show. Even though Bain probably only made scale, he’s so fine, there’s no telling where the money went. 

On this day in history, the Soviet Union shortage of potatoes and grain led to a need to import vodka from the US of A. I hope it was Burnett’s, which is the wise bartender’s secret, much the way that Old Crow can fool many bourbon snobs into thinking they’re drinking the good stuff. That’s how they roll at the Blue Whale, and that’s how we swing at the CHS.