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Showing posts with label March 6. Show all posts
Showing posts with label March 6. Show all posts

Monday, February 21, 2022

The Dark Shadows Daybook: February 17


Taped on this day in 1970: Episode 965

 By PATRICK McCRAY

When zombies seal Quentin in a coffin, Barnabas knows that love must be in the air. It’s a Very Valentine’s Dark Shadows, but will a wedding spoil the fun? With Barnabas and Jeb, this much fun just can’t be legal! Nicholas Blair: Humbert Allen Astredo. (Repeat; 30 minutes.)

Jeb goes from burying Quentin alive to kidnapping Julia. He wants to be human. Although, at the same time, Nicolas Blair prepares a wedding ceremony that will end with Carolyn being turned into a Leviathan. However, the satanic secret agent is double-crossed when Jeb recruits Barnabas to usher Carolyn away from the Leviathan altar as he destroys the Naga box.

For a lot of us, Dark Shadows is the only soap opera we will ever watch. Given that, I am still amazed at my capacity to see the storytelling as a stunt. Because it’s not storytelling. It’s anti-storytelling. Storytelling is all about getting to a catharsis. You know, these people learn in their lesson, a few of them die, and the rest of us go home to watch Benny Hill. That’s how this is supposed to go. But a soap opera can’t end. It’s like Data playing Strategema. The point isn’t to win. The point is to just keep playing. It’s a narrative shepherd tone, continually descending as it slips in new beginnings destined to also descend. So that’s great. Let’s take a moment to appreciate that before admitting that it can also drive you a little crazy after a while.

And then there’s an episode like this. Boom. Over. Done. Nothing left but a wedding, the death of Sky Rumson, and that embarrassing shadow curse that we really don’t talk about with strangers. 

You can just feel the massive satisfaction that rolls off of it for everyone involved. Mark your calendar with that red pen that the show only needs about two or three times a year. Something actually happens. Today, wonder team action force goes to work, and they end the Leviathan storyline with a beautifully baffling abruptness that perfectly matches its beginning. It’s like a Battle of the Network Stars where every contestant is Robert Conrad. There’s an honestly giddy disregard for consequences to be appreciated. Both by the characters and by the producers of the show. The heroes recklessly attack an ancient relic that sizzles with powers none of them understand. The only person who has an inkling of what it means is Nicholas Blair, and when they break the box, he runs like hell. The rest of them just shrug and book a wedding. 

The zany ending is a relief for the writers, also. Because they’re just having too much fun. Laura’s death wasn’t this much fun now, was it? See? The very fact that the story can end so extraplusdoublequick, with Jeb doing a 180 without even changing lanes, says it all. Best to just get it over with and pretend it didn’t happen. And they keep the good part. In the divorce with the Leviathans, they make sure they get custody of Christopher Pennock, because none of this is about him. 

When you look at this in the overall life of the show, they are busy elevating Barnabas to the big screen, which is a clear statement of what they know Dark Shadows is — and what ultimately makes it work. Leviathan, schlmiathan, baby, we’re going to Hollywood.  So, with that prospect in mind, we get a brief and daffy Viking funeral for everything else.  The ball drops as Quentin is buried alive, which starts to happen so frequently that he might as well get his suits made by Liberace at Whispering Glades. (After all, the foot curls when rigmo sets in.) And he’s buried alive by zombies, who are probably glad to have the company. But it’s only two zombies today. He was kidnapped by about four zombies in the prior episode. What happened to the other two zombies? Were they only temps? Was there a budget cut? Did they not test well with other zombies? Were they booked on Password? We will never know.

Meanwhile, Jeb, who really hasn’t had time to figure out who he is at all, decides he’s going to be a human and kidnaps Julia to do the biomedical honors. I can only imagine this is the most extreme Bris ever conceived. They did not cover this in medical school, but somehow, he wants her to change him completely into another… creature? One that’s not a God. I mean, I’m not even sure Julia is qualified to perform a nose job. This is all very specialized stuff. But, this was in the days of the HMO, and I guess anything was possible. 

Why is he doing it? Why does any villain ever do an about face on Dark Shadows? Because they’re in love of course. That quintessential motif should be obvious to viewers by now, but they make the point again with absolute clarity just to make sure that no one is confused. It’s like a teacher doing a review straight out of the test the day before. We are as grateful now as we were back in Enochian school. 

And it’s a proper Leviathan wedding. You’ve been to a million of them. Traditional, February, outdoor, Maine ceremony. And overseen of course by Humbert Allen Astredo in a tasteful but quietly lively sequined gown. The bride, as is the way, is hypnotized by Humbert with his magical cigarette case. Out of sight of the groom, of course. As the vows are exchanged, the groom grabs the celebrant’s horned devil stick and beats the sacred relic into nonexistence as Barnabas ushers the bride away to help him finish 30 pounds of deviled eggs that the two missing zombies were supposed to make and have plated as the reception began. But they are nowhere to be seen. Which is why you hire licensed caterers for these things and not the first zombies you see hanging around in the parking lot of Home Depot at 6 AM. 

And then, as Humbert flees the exploding altar, the groom clutches his abdomen with the realization that there was no prenup. The episode ends. 

Oh, but before that, those love tattoos show back up from 1795 — one of them, still on Kathryn Leigh Scott and the other one on David Selby. So, they declare love for each other for the sole reason that it’s a very special episode. 

The whole thing is a hoot from start to finish. And I think it was supposed to be. The only thing missing? Collinwood‘s favorite zombie, the reliably and suspiciously plump Chuck Morgan, who appeared yesterday and will appear again to tear apart Collinwood a few months down the road. I suspect his fellow actors on the show signed a petition to get him temporarily banned because they knew he would have emerged as the real star. And to me, he is. 

Chuck makes for a magnificently unlikely zombie. So much that I actually researched him as the episode was going on. I had heard that he was a wrestler, and by God he was, sometimes going by the name of Big Ben Morgan. Texan by birth, Morgan had Show Business in his unitard, also appearing on Broadway in Teahouse of the August Moon. And in this case, I’m not pulling your leg. Look it up. He’s buried with his wife vera in a cemetery in Chattanooga, and I think a road trip is in my future. Care to tagalong? I think there are some good stories to be discovered about this robust wrestler. 

So, all of this and a Texas wrestler, too. Maybe this is the high point of the series. In the words of my Academy professor, the guy who made you think or sink, “the more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play.”

After following up the 1897 Collinsport Exhibition of the Future by making Barnabas a failed villain managing a rather waterlogged Armageddon, everyone deserved a last hurrah like this. Two grim movies, a nihilistic trip to parallel dimensions, a harrowing 1995, the destruction of Collinwood, and a Pyrrhic victory over ultimate evil are all waiting in line. 

This episode hit the airwaves on March 6, 1970. 

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

The Dark Shadows Daybook: March 6



By PATRICK McCRAY

Taped on this date in 1968: Episode 447

Joshua learns that Barnabas is a vampire created by Angelique. He vows to rescue Victoria and hide his son until a cure can be found. Meanwhile, Millicent transfers the fortune to Daniel, and Naomi knows that Joshua has a secret life in the tower room.

It’s easy to get used to Barnabas as an easily flummoxed hero because he spends so much of the series overwhelmed, frustrated, and asking Julia, “What are we going to do?” This is as inaccurate as seeing him only as the Collinsport Strangler. In this episode, we witness his proud savagery on full parade. Joshua foolishly orders him not to kill, and Barnabas resolutely reveals that this is a useless request. The blunt, uncompromised ferociousness of Barnabas’ thirst is surprising, and it demands more of Joshua than we’ve seen. A man used to getting his way, firm of vision, Joshua quickly revises his stance and shows enormous adaptability. It feels as if the entire 1795 sequence has been a slow-burning setup to see him quickly and dedicatedly grow into modernism in the space of a few seconds. Seeing your son survive your gunshot and bellow, “I am a vampire!” can have that effect. We’re not used to seeing adults grow up, but Joshua discovers and dives into moral particularism like a pro.

As feral as Barnabas is, there is another villain whose shadow looms over this episode and sequence. If Barnabas is the most inhuman heavy in 1795, Nathan Forbes is the most human… and (in the hands of the masterful Joel Crothers) maybe one of the most interesting and well-rounded. Technically, he’s not in this episode, but the news of his engagement to Millicent makes up the B-story, spurs her to secure the family fortune, and allows us to see him through Daniel’s eyes, and Daniel has no complaints about the overgrown kid-lieutenant. Growing up (occasionally) in that house, would you? For all of his opportunism, Forbes has moments of compassion, charm, and conscience. In other circumstances, he’s Harry Flashman. The man is never a hero. Never trustworthy. But we see the clockwork of his impulse management control clicking away, and it’s understandable in a sad and uniquely engaging way.

It’s the birthday of the Caretaker! Daniel F. Keyes was born on this day in 1914.

Monday, March 6, 2017

The Dark Shadows Daybook: March 6


By PATRICK MCCRAY

Taped on this date in 1970: Episode 982

Maggie receives a note from the dead Angelique, disinviting her to Collinwood. A prank? Meanwhile, Will meets Barnabas at Loomis House, but has suspicions. Quentin returns home and immediately starts arguing. Maggie finds out that Hoffman kept much nicer quarters for Angelique. Quentin’s son, Daniel, is in a foul mood about the marriage. In all, it’s a rotten welcome home. Will contends that Angelique’s ghost controls the house and that the note Maggie received shows signs of Angelique’s penmanship. Great. Back at Loomis House, Barnabas begins to feed off Carolyn. After discovering the bite marks, Will confronts Barnabas, chaining him in his coffin and forcing him to narrate his life for a new book.

Anne Rice, have you no shame? (I can’t believe I just asked that.) This is worse than that weird, highly commercialized flirtation with Jesus you had during the zenith of the Bush administration. You’d better be glad that Dan Curtis is eclipsed in pugnaciousness by only one person: Harlan Ellison. If you’d “quoted” Ellison the way you ripped off this storyline for INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE, the streets of New Orleans would flow orange with your fiscal remoulade. 

 I feel like we get into deep dish Parallel Time here, for better or worse. Goodbye, Barnabas. Hello, slow roast of Maggie Collins. Poor Kathryn Leigh Scott. To be given such ample screen time only to have nothing to do in it but suffer. Yes, she suffers well, but this is just like seeing a kitten put in a sack and hit with a t-square. The highlight of the episode, reliably, is John Karlen, who finds entirely new reasons to mug with delicious abandon. 


On this day in 1970, the American "revolutionary" group, Weather Underground, blew some of themselves up while trying to make a bomb. This is what happens when the radical left tries to do something violent involving the sorts of things they are usually attempting to ban.   
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