Dark Shadows Lives!

For a television show cancelled in 1971, there are a lot of people talking about DARK SHADOWS today. Here's a roundup:

►The Dark Shadows Daybook dwells on the sadness of 1967, specifically the specter of a dead child looking for a playmate on the grounds of Collinwood in episode 292. Patrick McCray says: "Despite all of her talents, Sarah is a prisoner to the Collins estate, as are so many others for so many reasons, most of which boil down to relationships." Read the entire essay HERE.

►Dark Shadows Before I Die arrives at episode 539. This part of of John and Christine's summary should have been the published TV Guide summary: "I'm having a hard time believing that the kid who was able to figure out how to remove a bleeder valve from his dad's car to make the brakes fail when he was two years younger is now having difficulty working a tape recorder. Or that he would go to his evil stepmother for help with it. Where's his governess and why isn't she doing her job?" Read the entire post HERE.


►OK, this one's not new, but it's new to me: a cocktail named after our very own Joan Bennett. This one's been around for a while, according to Difford's Guide, which explains:

"Adapted from a Tiki drink featured in Jeff Berry's 'Intoxica' and originally created in 1932 at Sloppy Joe's Bar, Havana, Cuba. Named after Hollywood ingénue, Joan Bennett, who in the same year starred in Fox's Careless Lady. Years later she hit the news when her husband, producer Walter Wanger, shot her agent in the crotch after catching them in bed together."

You can get the drink recipe at Difford's HERE. And a shout-out to @joanbennettfan on Instagram for bringing this one to my attention. Also note "Served in a Collins glass."

►This Amazon fail is self explanatory.

amazon messed up the captions on this and confused "let go of her, adam" for "i have medical" and im dying at the idea of barnabas discussing willie's medical benefits #darkshadows pic.twitter.com/qWns92TJ8p

— Kaitlyn C-G (@Kaiitloaf) July 20, 2018

►Below is a video from Instagram. I made this and feel deeply embarassed by it. I also kind of love it. It's awful. And it's getting buried at the bottom of this post in hopes that fewer people see it. Don't judge me.

I can confidently say that this is the dumbest thing you’re going to see all day. #darkshadows

A post shared by Wallace McBride (@collinsporthistory) on Jul 19, 2018 at 6:24am PDT

Collinwood Cocktails: SANGUINE MOON MAI TAI

By JONATHAN M. CHAFFIN

Ingredients:
2 oz Lime juice  
1 oz. Solermo blood orange liqueur
1 oz. orgeat,
½ oz. simple syrup
2 oz. Myers Dark rum
2 oz. Appleton Special Amber rum

Shake with plenty of crushed ice and pour unstrained into your vessel.  Spank a mint sprig for garnish.

What a horrible night to have a curse, but what a great time to have a drink!  With the bad moon newly risen, pour yourself this delicious variation on a classic Trader Vic's Mai Tai.  (Rumor has it, the Trader himself was hipped to this ghoulish variant while staying the night at the Cranshaw House and exploring the grounds beneath a blood moon...I wonder who...or what...he encountered).

While we all seemed to have survived the tetrad called for by the Blood Moon Prophecy, why not keep the fixings for this cocktail around all the time... I'm sure there will be another Doomeday event predicted any time now.

"The sun will turn into darkness, and the moon into blood before the great and terrible day."

Cheers!

Jonathan M. Chaffin is an Atlanta-based graphic designer and art director and a lifetime fan of horror stories and film. His current project is www.HorrorInClay.com where he uses artifacts and ephemera to tell stories...he also produces horror-themed tiki mugs and barware like the Horror In Clay Cthulhu Tiki Mug. In addition, Jonathan occasionally does voice-over and podcasting work and appears on panels at sci-fi fantasy and pop culture conventions on a variety of topics. You can follow him@CthulhuMug on twitter or by friending HorrorInClay on Facebook and G+

COLLINWOOD COCKTAILS: Little Sarah's Raspberry Royale

BY PATRICK McCRAY 

Ingredients
1 t of Lady Grey tea per person.
Boiling water.  (Aunt Abigail is good at using fire. Ask for her help.)
1 pint of raspberries.
1/3 C sugar.
1 T fresh lime or lemon juice.

Steps
Boil the tea, and then chill it.

Toss the raspberries, sugar, and lemon juice together.  Refrigerate the combination for two hours, stirring every thirty minutes as the raspberries dissolve.  At that point, if you dislike pulp and seeds, train the resulting syrup.  If you like the extra texture, then enjoy it.  Decant the syrup either way.

The tea should be ready, so pour it over ice into tumblers or rocks glasses.  Serve the syrup beside it, allowing guests and yourself to flavor to taste.  If you find that it is too tart, add sugar.  If it tastes too sweet, add more citrus.

TRANSCRIPTION:
Dearest Sarah,

On this sunny day in June, I am taken back to Martinique and our earliest times together.  Do you recall them?  You certainly recall the song I taught you!  There is little doubt on that, as father reliably reminds me.  We have but to be in your presence for scant minutes before your generously-timed serenade.  It became your very favorite tune.  Who can forget your dedication to “London Bridge” when you forcefully rebuffed Forbes — the Eel —  and his unsavory shanties?  I vividly recall the various draughts concocted by the finest physicians to pull you away from your architectural anthem.  However, you were too stalwart for them.  In the end, a tonic was recruited to enhance your audience, but that potion's merits are best appreciated in the ripeness of adulthood, when you must needs embrace a tiny songstress of your own issue.

After the eighth or ninth hour of your performances, the tracheal consequences of the enduring aria would escape even the great Galen's estimate.  Knowing that you still have three or four more hours of musical musings left on the bill, my heart sinks with sympathy for you and your melodic martyrdom.  With this in mind, I retired to the scullery of the unfinished New House to fashion a salubrious solution that would refresh and reinvigorate you after the cessation of your truly unforgettable coloraturas. 

In simpler English (should Josette ask): I made up a recipe for a tasty, cold drink.

All my love,
Brother Barnabas

PATRICK McCRAY is a comic book author who resides in Knoxville, Tenn., where he's been a drama coach and general nuisance since 1997. He has a MFA in Directing and worked at Revolutionary Comics and on the early days of BABYLON 5, and is a frequent contributor to The Collinsport Historical Society. You can find him at The Collins Foundation.

Collinwood Cocktails: TOM COLLINSPORT

By JONATHAN M. CHAFFIN

¾ oz. Lemon juice
1 oz. Rock candy Syrup
2 oz. Plymouth Gin
1 dropper Fiendishly Tropical Bitters
Shake, add 1oz lemon flavoured or plain seltzer, strain into Collins glass with fresh ice.
Garnish with large lemon peel.

Like much of the beloved DARK SHADOWS cast, the "Tom Collins" is an oldie but a goodie ... a cocktail for the ages.

A drink known as a "John Collins" has existed since the 1860s at the very least and is believed to have originated with a head waiter of that name who worked at Limmer's Old House in Conduit Street in Mayfair.  Limmer's Old House was a popular London hotel and coffee house around 1790-1817.  This "Mr. Collins" popped up again and again ... and was immortalized around 1876 "Bartender's Guide" under the name of Tom.

Seems only fitting to update this classic with a bit of a twist made possible by the growing craft bitters trend.  Warning: This "adult lemonade" is VERY drinkable.

Cheers!

Jonathan M. Chaffin is an Atlanta-based graphic designer and art director and a lifetime fan of horror stories and film. His current project is www.HorrorInClay.com where he uses artifacts and ephemera to tell stories...he also produces horror-themed tiki mugs and barware like the Horror In Clay Cthulhu Tiki Mug. In addition, Jonathan occasionally does voice-over and podcasting work and appears on panels at sci-fi fantasy and pop culture conventions on a variety of topics. You can follow him @CthulhuMug on twitter or by friending HorrorInClay on Facebook and G+

Collinwood Cocktails: THE HAND OF COUNT PETOFI

WARNING: Despite the relatively small amount of alcohol in this cocktail, this is NOT a beginner's drink.

Iced coffee is kind of a pain in the ass to make. Not because it's especially difficult, but because most people brew it so infrequently that every pot feels like you're making it for the first time. And, while there's only one way to properly make iced tea (my apologies to our U.K. readers) there are a lot of different ways to make iced coffee, depending on your taste. Here's a feature at Esquire about the drink  ... but it will probably just cloud the waters for novices.

Novices like myself, I should say. Without my Keurig automatic brewer, you wouldn't be reading this post. Even so, this cocktail, dubbed THE HAND OF COUNT PETOFI, is a heady brew. Bastardly, even.

First step, get yourself a bag of Absinthe flavored ground coffee from World Market. The idea of licorice-flavored coffee might sound repellant (I certainly had reservations) but it's actually pretty tasty, as long as it's not abused. Throwing caution to the wind, I added creamer to it ... which made it taste pretty much like ordinary coffee. Cream dilutes the flavor, so this is a drink you're going to have to enjoy black, with sugar.

Next: Brew the coffee in your preferred manner. I needed a Solo Fill V1 Gold Cup, an off-brand accessory that lets Keurig V-Cup owners make any ground coffee they choose. I'm lost around a regular coffee pot.

Sweeten the coffee to taste. Depending on how you make iced coffee, this might be something you want to do while it's still hot. I preferred to extend my absinthe fetishism to this drink, and used an absinthe spoon to melt sugar over the glass after it had been chilled. I then added a dash of real absinthe for flavor, and viola! I had a drink that would rival the Pan Galactic Gargle-Blaster for flavor, if not strength. (But that can be remedied by adding more absinthe.)

COLLINWOOD COCKTAILS: Quentin's Seduction

Our latest COLLINWOOD COCKTAIL comes to us from PATRICK McCRAY, who is currently embroiled in the latest phase of THE DARK SHADOWS EXPERIMENT. Dubbed THE COLLINS CHRONICLES, the project is a retelling of the core narrative of DARK SHADOWS as diary entries from Barnabas Collins, as well as letters and associated documents from his loved ones, associates, and rivals. Naturally, this drink recipe is written in-character, from the point of view of one QUENTIN COLLINS. Enjoy!

Dear Jameson,
Greetings to you at Yale from your wayward uncle.  (Florence has never looked better... she sends her regards.)  How are things with the Skull and Bones boys? 

There will come a day when an evening with a beautiful companion must be rounded out with an aperitif.  Only one for each of you, my friend!  It takes work, and so will this!  But it is vital that she knows it's worth it.

First of all, have the cook fry up:

1 lb. of bacon. 
Yep, you heard that.  Bacon!  That's one of the manly elements, and a subtle hint of the savory delights of your company. 

Save the fat.  Eat the bacon.

Take the collected bacon fat, cool it to a point when you can manage it, but it's not yet solid. Put it in a large jar with:

Two fifths of fine, Kentucky bourbon. 

Kentucky, land of thoroughbreds! 

Let the two elements meld, blend in a large jar, and become one in a warm, dark place.  Give them about two hours alone. 

Cool things down overnight.  Place the jar in an icebox and let the two elements part, each taking with them the essence of the other.

Pass the bourbon through cheesecloth to capture any excess fat and keeping it smooth and pure.

Store the new bourbon in a pleasing decanter.

(Save the fat for the cook to use as the basis for a hearty stew, the kind men like.  Thus, Edward will not.  Haw!)

Grab a shaker and cracked ice.  Per drink, serve up...

Two ounces of the Bacon Bourbon

Two ounces of Godiva Liqueur (found at all fine spirit emporiums in The Future)

(Optional -- a capful of Grand Marnier.)
Shake vigorously, showing her your virility!

Pour and enjoy the surprise, curiosity, enticement, and delight in her eyes.

Light the fire, and crank the Victrola.  The rest is up to you.

Your friend always,
Uncle Quentin

COLLINWOOD COCKTAILS: The Stokes Cup

It's safe to say that Prof. T.E. Stokes was a private man. This isn't surprising when you consider how often Stokes was brought into the confidence of Collinsport's most powerful families during times of need. After all, nobody wants to hire an exorcist who has a Twitter account.

While Stokes kept a low profile for much of his life, the extensive collection of oddities found among his personal effects after his death were more than a little eye raising. You expect to find books bound in human skin and the occasional animal skull in the archives of an exorcist. A complete collection of Asterix the Gaul graphic novels, a closet full of Jet Magazines and dozens of Don Ho 45s? Not so much.

Also among his personal effects was an extensive collection correspondence letters. Below is the scan of a letter written to someone simply named "Adam."

Here's the transcript:

Dear Adam,

Have left on a jaunt to Boston to help Burt and Neil with second act trouble for their musical comedy of THE APARTMENT.  (I seem to recall that you enjoyed Fred MacMurray's contribution to the original with considerable relish before one of our more arduous hygiene experiments.)  In the meantime, you may want to practice the many ways of the urbane sophisticate.  Since the Pimms Cup experience proved to be a disaster (my sock garters now forever in the possession of Nicholas Blair as a result), I am retooling my recipe into what I call the 'Stokes Cup.'  In my rugby days, before I found the more sublime love of curling, a 'Stokes Cup' would have been an ample vessel indeed, but a standard tumbler will suffice for our needs.  

You''l need: 

Three ounces of cranberry-infused vodka, often found ready made in The Future.  

One ounce of Rose's Lime Juice

Ice of some sort.  Crushed, I imagine.  

Mix this and serve with a shotglass of ginger ale as a relief for the more delicate palates.  

I think you'll find the results to be most refreshing.  Remember, Adam, how I've always taught you about responsibility and right versus wrong?  Well, you'll never learn self-restraint until you start making mixed drinks for your various guests and prisoners.  

Regards,

Professor "Professor" Stokes

PS -- Please stay off my penny-farthing.  Also, mail the Zuni Doll ASAP!


NOTE: Recipe and accompanying letter written by Patrick McCray, of The Collins Foundation.

COLLINWOOD COCKTAILS: The Crazy Jenny

 INSANITY. n. mental illness of such a severe nature that a person cannot distinguish fantasy from reality, cannot conduct her/his affairs due to psychosis, or is subject to uncontrollable impulsive behavior.


Are those voices in your head getting annoying? Looking for a reason to set something on fire that won't end in your immediate arrest? Looking for an exotic mixed drink that doesn't include many elements found in nature? Well, you're in luck! I've got a drink that will help you with all three of those problems!

Introducing THE CRAZY JENNY, a mixed drink loaded with tasty, tasty symbols of Collinwood's favorite pyromaniac, Jenny Collins. Much like committing murder, THE CRAZY JENNY is remarkably easy, but you'd better be prepared to live with the long-term consequences of your actions. Because Jenny will kick your ass so hard that your great-great-grandchildren will feel it.

Here are the ingredients:

• A 50 ml "mini" bottle = 1.7 oz EARLY TIMES "FIRE EATER" cinnamon-flavored whiskey
• A 50 ml "mini" bottle = 1.7 oz 99 BANANAS liquor
• A 50 ml "mini" bottle = 1.7 oz WHALER'S "KILLER" COCONUT rum
• Seltzer water
• 2 sugar cubes
• FIRE!!!!

Balance an absinthe spook over the mouth of a glass and place two cubes of sugar on the cradle. Slowly pour all three bottles of booze over the sugar cubes, wetting them. Once you've emptied the bottles, carefully set the cubes on fire. Keep a bottle of seltzer water on hand, and use it to slowly extinguish the flame as the sugar cubes melt. Stir the contents, using the seltzer to water the drink down (and I'd recommend using a LOT of seltzer.) Next, clear your schedule for at least three days and hang on to your proverbial nuts.
 

Collinwood Cocktails: Wake Up, Willie!

(Technically, this is a very easy Vietnamese Coffee recipe I got from my friend, Ron Mikulak of the Louisville Courier Journal.  It's so easy that even a harried Loomis can make it.  It prepares itself overnight with no work, which is clearly an advantage for Willie.  And in chilly Maine, it can even make itself without electric power.  Most importantly, it provides much needed energy for daytime operations, given that the adventures of Collinwood usually begin at sundown with no time left for catch-up sleep during the day.  It's the official morning drink at the Collins Foundation and got us through many a marathon day. - Patrick McCray) 

From the Desk of Willie Loomis:

Yah gonna need:

One regular-size French press coffee maker.  If they have them in several sizes, choose the middle-sized one. Ah'm busy, Julia; ah don't have time for countin' ounces. 

1 measuring cup.  If ah ain't got one of those, ah use most of a mug.  

Light roast, ground coffee.  They try and fool you with dark roast. See, Adam, light roast's got more zip to it.

Sweetened, condensed milk.  In case ah need wake up Maggie, 'cause Barnabas'll be here any minute.  An' it's sweet, see?  Like her.  And ah don't want nothin' bad happenin' to her.

Tall tumbler or glass.  Like a highball glass.  The kind ah borrowed from Burke.  

Here's whatcha do:

Put a heapin' cup of the ground coffee in the French press.

Pour in water until it's full.  But not so full as you'll spill it on that old rug he likes and make him hit you with that cane of his.

Stir it.

Chill it in the icebox.

Wait about 8-12 hours.  That's it.

Strain it with the press.

Take that highball glass Burke's lookin' for and put in a finger or two of the sweetened, condensed milk.  Few tablespoons.  Depends on how sweet you want it.  

Pour in that cold-brewed coffee.  Ah gotta nervous stomach 'cause Adam finally ate that chicken leg, but this don't hurt as much, 'cause the cold brewin' takes out the acid.

Mix it up real good and drink it.  That'll keep you goin' till you make it to the Blue Whale so they can Irish it up.

So, remember:

• 1 cup of ground coffee beans (any flavor or roast you like.
• Water.
• Chill 8-12 hours in refrigerator.
• Strain.
• Pour into a glass with 1-4 T of sweetened, condensed milk.  
• Mix and drink.*

*If you want it to have even more kick, make a batch of the pre-sweetened coffee a day earlier and pour it into ice-cube trays.  Freeze those and use them as cubes in the Wake Up Willie.  

 

(Note: Willie Loomis screencap courtesy of WILLIE LOOMIS SAVES COLLINSPORT, which you really should visit.)

Collinwood Cocktails: Dr. Lang's Theremin Martini

Dr. Frankenstein was a putz.

Henry, Victor, Wolf, Frederick, Frodrick or whatever the hell they wanted to call themselves, not one of them knew how to stick the landing. These guys majored in Mad Science with one specific purpose: TO PLAY GOD. And what do they do when the game doesn't go entirely their way? They start whining about how man shouldn't play at being god, pack up their toys and go home to mope over their Tesla coils. (Or die lonely, miserable deaths in the arctic. Either way spells F-A-I-L.)

But not Dr. Eric Lang. Dude not made a monster out of boneyard scraps that ALSO doubled as a cure for vampirism. Lang was the MacGyver of mad scientists.

I thought Dr. Lang needed a drink that was a daring and dubious as his scientific visions. It's a simple drink that works despite itself, a combination of rye and a blue martini mix that, when combined, create a vivid green rarely seen in nature. Here are the ingredients; mix to taste.

Dr. Lang's Theremin Martini

• Martini Gold "Wildberry"
• Bulleit Rye American Whiskey
• One maraschino cherry (Use Italian imported maraschino cherries, not that candy crap you find with the banana split fixins at the grocery store. You'll thank me later.)

Collinwood Cocktails: The Victoria Winters

The latest Collinwood Cocktail comes to us from Tamara, who brings us the Victoria Winters Shandy.

Like the Burke Devlin, the Vicky Winters Shandy is a beer cocktail. It's a simple recipe, and Tamara has promised to brew her own pale ale to make an "authentic" VWS, but here's how to make your own at home:

Ice cold pale ale
2 splashes of cranberry juice,
A drop of grenadine

I made my own this afternoon using Ocean Spray cranberry/blueberry drink, and a Shock Top IPA. I might have gotten a little carried away with the grenadine, which gave my drink that not-so-subtle fruit juice color. But when you're getting drunk in the drawing room, who cares what color it is?

Meanwhile, explore the other drink recipes from The Collinsport Cocktail Recipe Book:

The Barnabas Collins
The Burke Devlin
The Roger Collins

Collinwood Cocktails: The Burke Devlin

Introducing a cocktail as rugged and mysterious as its namesake: The Burke Devlin.

A former friend of Roger and Laura Collins, Burke was sent to prison after he was accused causing a fatal wreck. On his return to Collinsport, Burke vowed vengeance on Roger Collins, who he suspected was really responsible for the accident.

This is a straight-forward beer cocktail inspired by the real Burke Devlin, Mitch Ryan. As I'm sure Ryan would tell you, please drink responsibly.

 Here are the ingredients:

* 1 can of Guinness Extra Stout

* 1 shot of Kraken Rum

Meanwhile, don't miss out on the other Collinwood Cocktails, which you can find HERE.

The Barnabas Collins Cocktail

Introducing The Barnabas Collins, a cocktail so powerful it will make you do things you're sure to regret in the morning.

Before progressing any further, though, here are two caveats:

If you play with fire, you might get burned. I prefer to melt the sugar cube by drenching it in absinthe and lighting it, but don't be surprised if you burn your home to the ground if you adopt this habit.

This drink will kick your ass. So drink responsibly. In fact, the responsible thing to do is to stay away from The Barnabas Collins. Don't say you weren't warned.

With that out of the way, here's how you make it:


The Barnabas Collins
Dow's Fine Tawny Porto 2 oz
Absente absinthe 1 oz
Idol French Vodka 1 oz
1 sugar cube
Club soda

Preparation:
Gently mix the port and vodka into a cocktail or absinthe glass. Balance the sugar on the absinthe spoon and pour 2 oz of absinthe over it, melting it. I like to caramelize the sugar by lighting it on the spoon but, like I said earlier, DANGER WILL ROBINSON. The alcohol content in this drink is off the charts, so you might want to add club soda to remove some of the bite. You might even want to reduce the amount of absinthe in the drink, mixing it to taste.

(Note: After a little experimentation, I've altered the recipe to make wine the dominant ingredient.)

Unwind with The Roger Collins

Need a little something to help you relax after a long day at the office? Or are you independently wealthy and just looking to stay buzzed until Adventure Time comes on? Well, I have just the drink for you, courtesy of Dark Shadows fan extraordinaire Maggie Evans. It's something she calls ...

 

The Roger Collins

• Spoonful of sugar
• Juice of half a lemon
• 2 shots sweet and sour mixer (because he’s a little sweet and a little sour)
• 4 shots brandy (Roger’s drink of choice)
• Half a glass of club soda

 Recipe courtesy of  Maggie Evans.