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Showing posts with label Dark Shadows 2012. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dark Shadows 2012. Show all posts

Friday, December 21, 2018

Night of Drag Shadows


It's not a secret that I don't like Tim Burton's take on Dark Shadows. On a good day you could argue that MPI Home Video convinced Warner Brothers to spend millions of dollars to market their audacious "coffin box set," a product they might not have otherwise been able to afford to release. But that doesn't mean the movie was any good. You know it, I know it, and in those rare moments of the day when Johnny Depp isn't high as a kite, even he knows it.


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My performance as Barnabas Collins from The Creature Feature Before Christmas at @stonewallorlando ⚰️🦇⚰️🦇⚰️🦇⚰️ • • #blackhaüs #creaturefeature #tuesdays #victoriaelizabethblack #bouletbrothers #dragula #tim #burton #darkshadows #barnabascollins #fxmakeup #airbrush #eba #ppi #premiereproducts #victorian #drag #dragqueen #filth #horror #creepy #strange #instagood #love #gay #queer #supermonster
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But! Six years after Dark Shadows limped into the theater, this happened. I'm not going to attempt to describe these videos for fear that my priviledged, cisgender ass might unintentionally drop some inappropriate/obsolete terminology ... but I love this. It almost redeems Burton's film.

I look forward to reading the comments about this post on Facebook, many of which will probably be written without the benefit of actually having clicked on the link. Release the hounds!

(h/t to @PhilNobileJr)

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Spend some time with Barnabas Collins this Halloween


Dark Shadows is taking over television this Halloween! With the exception of the 1991 revival series (which is currently streaming in its entirety on Hulu) the entire franchise is pretty well represented. Also, there's some misinformation circulating about what's happening with Decades in October. I've got a copy of the week's broadcast schedule and they are NOT showing 260 episodes of Dark Shadows. Instead, they're going to ring in the witching hour each night with a single classic episode of the series, beginning with #210.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Come see how the vampires do it on TCM



You might want to stay up past your bedtime on Oct. 27 this year becauseTCM has scheduled Dan Curtis' original DARK SHADOWS movies to air in the wee, wee hours of the morning. HOUSE OF DARK SHADOWS kicks things off at 1:30 a.m., followed immediately after by NIGHT OF DARK SHADOWS at 3:30 a.m. And, if you're some kind of pervert, switch over to Freeform at 7 a.m. to watch Tim Burton's 2012 DARK SHADOWS.

If you're into that kind of thing, you've got lots of chances to see Burton's cinematic take on the classic television series. Freeform is not only bringing DARK SHADOWS back this year as part of its 13 Nights of Halloween marathon, it's expanding the marathon to a full 31 days. Burton's costume porn is scheduled to air a staggering five times on Freeform during October, once for every horseman of the apocalypse (plus a bonus fifth viewing to put the humanity's last survivors out of their misery.) Here's a full schedule of broadcast dates for October. FYI: I'm still waiting to hear back from Decades, which could possibly air a marathon of the original DARK SHADOWS television series at some point during October. Stay tuned!

UPDATE: There's good news and even better news. Decades will be celebrating Halloween by broadcasting epsisodes DARK SHADOWS throughout the holiday week. Decades will air episodes weeknights at midnight EST beginning Monday, Oct. 29, with episode 210 and ending Friday with episode 214. Sometime next spring, though, Decades has plans to broadcast episodes new to the network. I'm sure we'll be hearing about those plans soon enough.

Click HERE to see if you receive Decades in your hometown.

Oct. 7
11:20 p.m. EST, DARK SHADOWS (Freeform)

Oct. 8
6:30 p.m. EST, DARK SHADOWS (Freeform)

Oct. 18
6:30 p.m. EST, DARK SHADOWS (Freeform)

Oct. 18
3:30 p.m. EST, DARK SHADOWS (Freeform)

Oct. 27
7 a.m. EST, DARK SHADOWS (Freeform)

Oct 27
1:30 a.m. EST, HOUSE OF DARK SHADOWS (TCM)
3:30 a.m. EST, NIGHT OF DARK SHADOWS (TCM)




Thursday, August 23, 2018

Tim Burton's Dark Shadows ... in 3D



Don't look at me like that. No, the Collinsport Historical Society has not been a cheerleader for Tim Burton's 2012 riff on DARK SHADOWS. It's kind of been an office punching bag for the last few years, an attitude encouraged in no small part by the automatic boost in traffic we get whenever the film is mentioned. But as every vampire knows, there's a difference between good attention and bad attention, and the level of hostility this movie provokes in fans of the original series is usually pretty icky. Mention Johnny Depp around "real fans" and things will quickly take a turn for the gross. (Historical curioisty: Many of these "real fans" turned out in droves for Jonathan Frid's spoken word tours during the 1980s. Some of them didn't pay to see his show, though, opting instead to wait until after to ambush him outside and ask him to sign their Dark Shadows items. Make of that what you will.) I've taken avoiding any mentions of the film because it brings out the worst in some people.

So no, I didn't like Burton's film in 2012 and I don't like it today. But gosh, it sure is pretty. It's a glorified Monster High doll, an empty plastic shell tarted up in goth drag. After converting a batch of images into 3D for a series of "Lost Viewmaster Reels" for the original television show, HOUSE OF DARK SHADOWS and NIGHT OF DARK SHADOWS, it felt important to close the cinematic circle with Burton's movie. It has it's fans, after all.

Below are links to five faux Viewmaster "reels" representing about 45 3D images from the film. You'll need a pair of red/blue anaglyph 3D glasses to view them.

REEL 1         REEL 2         REEL 3
REEL 4          REEL 5

Monday, September 18, 2017

Tim Burton's DARK SHADOWS returns to 13 Nights of Halloween


Once upon a time, 13 Nights of Halloween was once called 13 Days of Halloween. The television movie festival began life on The Family Channel, which became Fox Family, ABC Family and is now called Freeform. If you were trying to duck creditors, it would look a lot like this.

I mention the convoluted history because it's a lot more interesting than the point of this post: 13 Nights of Halloween is bringing 2012's DARK SHADOWS movie back to the schedule this year. Because I'm a masochist, I was vaguely hopeful that The Family Channel Fox Family ABC Family Freeform would be airing DARK SHADOWS on Oct. 28, which is the same day that TCM is airing HOUSE OF DARK SHADOWS and NIGHT OF DARK SHADOWS back to back. It would have been nice to see the Collins family stake a claim to the airwaves for a day, even if that day would represent a gradual decline in movie quality.  The stars failed to align, though, with Tim Burton's 2012 feature showing up at 4:10 p.m. EST Oct. 23 as part of a Burton marathon, and again 8:20 p.m. Oct. 26, 7 a.m. Oct. 27, and 11:30 a.m. Oct. 30. You can read the full event schedule HERE.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Video: Everything Wrong With Dark Shadows


Ugh. Tim Burton's DARK SHADOWS. I know a few of you out there like this film, to which I say peace. Don't take anything I say about this movie (no matter how profane or vulgar) personally. Also, try not to get your feelings hurt by the new video from CinemaSins, "Everything Wrong With Dark Shadows." It's a little bit superficial, but manages to hit on a lot of the movie's more significant problems.

And for those you who who hate it? "Everything Wrong With Dark Shadows" will absolutely rub salt in the wounds. So, pour yourself a stiff drink and watch the video below ...

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Barnabas Collins will return ... somehow



It was four years ago that decades of speculation, years of hope, months of confidence, and weeks of reticence all culminated in Tim Burton’s DARK SHADOWS. At its core, the DARK SHADOWS franchise demands a good remake every few decades. After all, the original program was a vehicle for modernizations. Now itself a classic, why should it be exempt from the same kind of reinvention? It shouldn’t. Just as Dan Curtis used the soap opera medium to share what he found captivating about the classics, we have the ability use the medium of cinema to share what is captivating about DARK SHADOWS. That’s why a bad remake is so infuriating. That’s why it matters. Ultimately, that’s why DARK SHADOWS will always be back.

- Patrick McCray

Friday, November 13, 2015

Brandy snifter sold separately


This custom-made "Roger Collins" costume, based on a design worn by actor Johnny Lee Miller in Tim Burton's DARK SHADOWS film, might be the most unnecessary product occupying bandwidth on the Internet today.

I'll take two, please.

Via: AliExpress

Thursday, October 1, 2015

ABC Family hopes you like Tim Burton



ABC Family continues to put all their eggs in a Tim Burton-shaped basket this Halloween. This marks the channels 17th(!) year of celebrating the holiday with the safest selection of horror-ish movies this side of your church's "trunk or treat" event.

Burton continues to dominate this year's "13 Days of Halloween" programming. If you don't like the director you're going to have a bad time, because his films are absent only four days this year. The channel has opted to fill those holes with CASPER, THE ADDAMS FAMILY and PARANORMAN ... films that might politely be called Burtonesque.

There are a few odd choices included in the mix this year, and WOW are those choices odd. 2012's DARK SHADOWS makes a quick appearance on Oct. 28, but its inclusion seems a little inappropriate. Yeah, it shares the "Fashions by Hot Topic" aesthetic seen in so many of the other films on the list, but I have to wonder how the editors will dance around the scene where Helena Bonham Carter gives Johnny Depp a blowjob. That's probably not a concern for CASPER, the PG-rated film that immediately follows it.

And if that's not weird enough, the childhood-trauma inducing POLTERGEIST is set to air Oct. 30. It's refreshing to see a straight-up Horror Movie™ included in the roster, but POLTERGEIST is just a short hop from broadcasting CREEPSHOW. And it's followed by 1986's POLTERGEIST II: THE OTHER SIDE, a movie that nobody wants to see.

And THE HUNGER GAMES!? WTF, Disney?

Here's a complete list of this year's 13 NIGHTS OF HALLOWEEN. Mileage may vary.



Night 1 (Monday, Oct. 19)
1:30 p.m. ET - "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1"
5 p.m. ET - "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2"
9 p.m. ET - "Hocus Pocus"
12 a.m. ET - "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride"



Night 2 (Tuesday, Oct. 20)
4 p.m. ET - "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride"
6 p.m. ET - "Hocus Pocus"
9 p.m. ET - "Stitchers" 2015 Halloween Special
12 p.m. ET - "Casper"



Night 3 (Wednesday, Oct. 21)
5 p.m. ET - "Casper"
7 p.m. ET - "The Addams Family"
9 p.m. ET - "Addams Family Values"
12 a.m. ET - "I Know What You Did Last Summer"



Night 4 (Thursday, Oct. 22)
4 p.m. ET - "The Addams Family"
6 p.m. ET - "Addams Family Values"
8 p.m. ET - "The Hunger Games"
12 a.m. ET - "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer"


Night 5 (Friday, Oct. 23)​
5:30 p.m. ET - "The Hunger Games"
8:30 p.m. ET - "Sleepy Hollow"
12 a.m. ET - "Matilda"



Night 6 (Saturday, Oct. 24)
7 a.m. ET - "Matilda"
9 a.m. ET - "ParaNorman"
11 a.m. ET - "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride"
1 p.m. ET - "The Nightmare Before Christmas"
2:30 p.m. ET - "Casper"
4:30 p.m. ET - "The Addams Family"
6:30 p.m. ET - "Addams Family Values"
8:30 p.m. ET - "Disney/ Pixar's Monsters University"
11 p.m. ET - "Disney/ Pixar's Toy Story OF TERROR!"
11:30 p.m. ET - "Hocus Pocus"



Night 7 (Sunday, Oct. 25)
7 a.m. ET - "ParaNorman"
9 a.m. ET - "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride"
11 a.m. ET - "Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas"
12:30 p.m. ET - "Casper"
2:30 p.m. ET - "The Addams Family"
4:30 p.m. ET - "Addams Family Values"
6:30 p.m. ET - "Disney/ Pixar's Toy Story OF TERROR!"
7 p.m. ET - "Disney/ Pixar's Monsters University"
9:45 p.m. ET - "Hocus Pocus"



Night 8 (Monday, Oct. 26)
5:30 p.m. ET - "Sleepy Hollow"
9 p.m. ET - "Disney/ Pixar's Toy Story OF TERROR!"
9:30 p.m. ET - "Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas"
12 a.m. ET - "Tim Burton's Frankenweenie"


Night 9 (Tuesday, Oct. 27)
4:00 p.m. ET - "Tim Burton's Frankenweenie"
6 p.m. ET - "Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas"
7:30 p.m. ET - "Disney/ Pixar's Toy Story OF TERROR!"
9 p.m. ET - "Hocus Pocus"
12 a.m. ET - "ParaNorman"



Night 10 (Wednesday, Oct. 28)
4 p.m. ET - "ParaNorman"
6 p.m. ET - "Hocus Pocus"
8:15 p.m. ET - "Dark Shadows"
12 a.m. ET - "Casper"



Night 11 (Thursday, Oct. 29)
5 p.m. ET - "Casper"
7 p.m. ET - "The Addams Family"
9 p.m. ET - "Addams Family Values"
12 a.m. ET - "Hocus Pocus"


Night 12 (Friday, Oct. 30)
2:30 p.m. ET - "The Addams Family"
4:30 p.m. ET - "Addams Family Values"
6:30 p.m. ET - "Hocus Pocus"
8:30 p.m. ET - "Poltergeist"
12 a.m. ET - "Poltergeist II: The Other Side"



Night 13 (Saturday, Oct. 31)
7 a.m. ET - "Batman"
10 a.m. ET - "Batman Returns"
12: 30 p.m. ET - "Poltergeist"
3 p.m. ET - "Sleepy Hollow"
5:30 p.m. ET - "Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas"
7 p.m. ET - "Hocus Pocus"
9:15 p.m. ET - "Hocus Pocus"
11:30 p.m. ET - "Sleepy Hollow"

Friday, July 31, 2015

DARK SHADOWS 2012: It actually could have been worse


By WALLACE McBRIDE

There's a little more subtlety on display in the shooting script for DARK SHADOWS. Which isn't saying much, considering the blunt-force trauma that was the final cut of Tim Burton's 2012 "adaption" of the ABC daytime drama. It's a film that is constantly at odds with itself, never finding time to settle on a tone, theme or even a central character. Yeah, you could reasonably argue that these problems were present in the original television series, but Burton simply failed to make turn these flaws into strengths.

Since then, the film's principles have dealt with the negative response in some ... interesting ways. Burton has shrugged off its relative failure by blaming its lack of appeal on the original television series. Johnny Depp will happily extend a middle finger to the film's haters, while the movie’s original screenwriter, John August, has politely disowned it. (Trivia: these  guys are also the world's easiest choices for FUCK/MARRY/KILL.)

August has reason to be quiet. The draft dated Nov. 20, 2010, has his name at the top of the script's cover, but it represents a massive overhaul by Seth Grahame-Smith at the request of Warner Bros. It was decided late in development that DARK SHADOWS would need to distinguish itself from the likes of TWILIGHT, TRUE BLOOD and THE VAMPIRES DIARIES by taking a comedic approach. (Note: August confirmed via Twitter last night that this draft of the script does not represent his work.)

August's original draft of DARK SHADOWS continues to elude me, but a copy of Grahame-Smith's "revision" recently landed on my desk. It's a fascinating read and represents a story that goes to some dark places that the movie otherwise avoids. But it also fails to understand its source material, a genetic flaw that continued to bloom as DARK SHADOWS went into production.

Still, this draft gets a few things right. It also gets so, so many things wrong. So let’s take a look at some of the ways this draft differs from the finished product.


"My Name is Victoria Winters"
As in the film, the script begins with a flashback to 1752. The Collins family is leaving Liverpool, fleeing an unidentified "curse." These problems follow them to the New World, taking the shape of ghosts, witches and even a werewolf ... all backed by a voice over from Victoria Winters. This narration was almost entirely re-written for the film and the dialogue given to Johnny Depp. I can only speculate as to the reasons why this change was made, but anyone who’s seen the deleted scenes included on the home video release already knows that Victoria was marginalized during the film’s editing. I don’t know if this was because of concerns over Heathcote’s performance or just an effort to push Depp further toward the front of the story.

There are a few other minor changes, but the most glaring (and interesting!) omission was the absence of Angelique from the prologue. And there's a reason for this:


Angelique has been busy
There’s a little more to the character of Angelique Bouchard in this draft of the script, and all of those differences point to a lack of understanding by Grahame-Smith of the definitions of “story,” “character” and “plot.” Angelique has always been evil, it’s revealed, and her actions have nothing to do with Barnabas Collins, rejection or anything else.

As in the final film (and the original television series), Angelique dooms Barnabas after she’s spurned, cursing him and Josette to their doom. BUT: we learn later in the film's script that Angelique has been plaguing the Collins family for many, many years. She’s even the reason the family fled England.

Why? Who the fuck knows.

Not long before Barnabas decapitates her during the script's climax (more on that later), she confesses to sleeping with Barnabas’s father, breeding the werewolf that bit Carolyn when she was an infant, casting a spell on the weather to guide the Collins family from Liverpool to the land that would become Collinsport, killing Roger's wife, killing Barnabas' parents, etc. It reads like a less-funny version of Nick Cave's "The Curse of Millhaven" and opens up trunk full of plot holes. For an almost-omnipotent being, Angelique is less a pestilence than a nuisance.

Speaking of decapitations…


The movie was intended to be Rated R. Maybe.
You’ve got a better chance of understanding the Kabbalah than you do the methods used by the MPAA to determine film ratings. A powerful enough director can essentially demand any rating they want, while others require a measure of strategy to make sure their work reaches the widest possible audience.

There’s enough violence, profanity and nudity in this draft of DARK SHADOWS to suggest the studio was willing to accept an R rating. But there’s also an ambiguity to the script that makes me think the studio wasn’t fully sold on the idea. As I mentioned before, Angelique is decapitated in the film’s climax when Barnabas rips a silver chain from her neck. ATTACK OF THE CLONES is evidence, though, that you can decapitate half the film’s cast and still skate with a PG rating.

Still, that leaves a nude scene (when Angelique flashes Barnabas in the script, there’s a lot more skin), graphic violence and a special appearance by the word “fuck.”


Politics is the new witchcraft
There’s a not-that-interesting subplot in script involving Collinsport Town Council. Unnamed and undistinguished, these roles have quite a bit of dialogue, though the script never takes the time to describe them.

During one of their many pointless confrontations, Angelique tells Barnabas that witchcraft is less useful than it once was, saying “Politics is the new witchcraft.” She tries to poison the council against the Collins family and their renewed business interests, eventually turning to magic to win their support. These characters make up the “mob” that storms Collinwood in the final act, forcing the family to pull their punches in the struggle.

The faceless nature of the council members makes me think they were meant as conveyance for cameos by cast members from the original television show.


The Cooper Woman
Believe it or not, Alice Cooper was always intended to appear in DARK SHADOWS. The film’s more elaborate set pieces are essentially blank in the script (the bizarro sex scene between Barnabas and Angelique, for example, happens between edits) but Cooper’s presence is actually woven into many of the film’s “jokes.” It’s an odd choice, given that Cooper might not have been available to participate when the film began production the following year. Had he been busy, I have a feeling we’d have had to endure jokes about Iggy Pop’s name, instead.

The script goes so far as picking out a song for the former Vincent Furnier to sing: “Under My Wheels,” from the 1971 album KILLER. Cooper would go on to perform the more appropriate “Ballad of Dwight Frye” and “No More Mr. Nice Guy” in the actual movie. Curiously, the latter wouldn’t be released until 1973 … a year after the movie takes place. Shrugs.

Several of Grahame-Smith’s proposed musical cues managed to find their way into the final film, though. It’s worth mentioning that the Moody Blues’ “Knights in White Satin” (which plays over the opening credits) was intended to be “The Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel. This is a kind of Sophie’s Choice of musical cues, in my opinion.

Here’s a list of the songs suggested for use in the screenplay:

You have to have  huge balls to think you can get away with ever using "Blue Velvet" in a movie again. And if you think jokes about "balls" are funny, then you're in luck ...



DARK SHADOWS was supposed to be a comedy
In the months leading up to the release of the film’s first trailer, Tim Burton had pretty much surrendered any pretense that he ever had control of the film. Left with nothing more than a vague (if gorgeously constructed) riff on AUSTIN POWERS, he decided, instead, to promote the movie he wanted to make. He's an example of his one-man marketing campaign:
“It’s a funny film for me, because I never considered it a comedy. I was always trying to capture the weird vibe of ’Dark Shadows,’ which is a weird thing to try to capture. It was a weird daytime soap opera.”
Here’s the thing: Barnabas Collins is pretty much a joke factory in the screenplay. He rarely speaks a word that's not intended to remind the audience that he’s a clueless dimwit confounded by waffles, television, popular music and pretty much everything else he comes into contact with in 1972. It wouldn’t be so excruciating if a.) these jokes didn’t fall flat, and b.) he ever had anything else to say for himself. As a character, his goals are, shall we say, “modest.” The film pays lip service to finding a cure for his murderous disposition, but that idea goes by the wayside almost immediately. He doesn't want anything more in life than to bump uglies with Victoria, which brings me to my next point ...


Barnabas Collins was always an asshole
There’s a telling bit of dialogue during the film’s prologue, one that’s repeated (as with everything else that passes here for “theme”) constantly throughout the script. As Barnabas is giving Angelique the cold shoulder, he tells her that he believes himself to be better than her.

There are a few other glimpses of Barnabas’ bad behavior during the prologue, all of which presents him as lazy and shallow. We get an idea that he’s spent his youth nailing anything in a skirt before deciding to settle down with Josette (a relationship that lasts exactly one script page). The “I’m Better Than You” idea is bandied about quite often, almost always by Angelique, whose entire character is fully defined by the flaws of her love interest.

But none of this amounts to anything beyond the trading of a few verbal barbs. In fact, nothing happens in the script to humble Barnabas Collins, which is probably why it was so easy to "search" and "delete" these sections from the screenplay.

Speaking of getting deleted ...


RIP Victoria Winters
During the script’s climax, Barnabas races to Widows Hill in hopes of stopping Victoria (still under Angelique’s spell) from leaping to her death. Just as he arrives, she leaps … and dies.

THE END.

Thinking I’d overlooked something, I read this section of the script several times before realizing that Victoria Winters does indeed die in this draft. Barnabas’ vampire curse was lifted with Angelique’s demise, leaving him human ... and powerless to change the course of events. Smash cut to the corpse of Julia Hoffman at the bottom of the ocean, her eyes opening with the promise that a sequel is in the works.

It’s a bold choice to kill off Victoria, but also an empty one. I admire the script’s willingness to juggle jokes about SCOOBY DOO with a nihilistic ’70s-style ending, but none of it adds up to anything. Grahame-Smith doesn’t know the difference between plot, character and theme, which is why these concepts are used interchangeably throughout. Having characters constantly talk about a theme is not a proper substitute for either “character” or “theme.” The same can be said for the story’s misuse of “plot” and “story,” which Grahame-Smith seems to think mean the same thing. The characters in the script just wander from scene to scene, waiting for the next set piece to happen.

While there are a few neat things about this draft of the script, I’d say that Burton’s dedication to style over substance was actually the movie’s only source of charm. Like Grahame-Smith, Burton is not much of a storyteller, but he has a keen eye for production design. The screenplay was DOA, but Burton still managed to produce some tasty eye candy from the project.

Which, ultimately, means that DARK SHADOWS is the same kind of plastic “Me Generation” experience that its supposed to be lampooning.

Wallace McBride is the editor of THE COLLINSPORT HISTORICAL SOCIETY.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Danny Elfman's DARK SHADOWS score is streaming on Amazon


If you're got Amazon Prime you can listen to Danny Elfman's 2012 score for DARK SHADOWS for no additional charge. The 21 tracks include an extended version of the prologue, sequence, which was abridged in the final version of the film. It's a pretty good score and features some of Elfman's best compositions since 2003's HULK.

What's interesting to me is that Elfman's work highlights what Tim Burton was trying to accomplish with DARK SHADOWS. It's a rich, moody soundtrack that would have been right at home on the original television show, even though it lacks all of Robert Cobert's signature melodies from that series. Burton's film had a wonky, interesting tone and was visually lush ... but was hobbled by one of the laziest screenplays this side of a Michael Bay film. Luckily for Elfman, the dumb script isn't really a problem for the score.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Own a piece of Tim Burton's Collinwood


Prop Store, which also bills itself as verb unfriendly "Ultimate Movie Collectibles," has a number of interesting props available for sale from Tim Burton's DARK SHADOWS catastrophe film. Say what you want about the movie, but production design was not among its many, many problems. DARK SHADOWS was a gorgeous piece of work.

Prop Store has a weird assortment of screen-used props from the film for sale, some more significant than others. I dig the Collins Catch seafood cans, myself, but they've also got Angelique's voodoo doll, the "FX" toothbrush used by Johnny Depp in the (sigh) mirror gag, pumpkins, a coffin door and tons of other stuff. You can explore the site for yourself HERE.


Wednesday, January 7, 2015

DARK SHADOWS screenwriter signs up for Reddit AMA


Seth Grahame-Smith is doing an AMA ("Ask Me Anything") on Reddit beginning 3:30 p.m. EST on Jan. 14. In addition to writing "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" and "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," he also write the screenplay for Tim Burton's DARK SHADOWS.

The way AMA is supposed to work is simple: You log in, ask a question of the guest, and bide your time to see if they answer. The guests often get swamped, so don't enter into this chat feeling you're entitled to a response ... but you could get lucky. I'd be interested to hear what he thought about the lackluster critical response to DARK SHADOWS, as well as Burton's recent dismissal of the film.

But, I suspect most of the conversation is going to be devoted to another Burton film that Grahame-Smith is attached to write ... the upcoming BEETLEJUICE 2.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Tim Burton blames failure of DARK SHADOWS on DARK SHADOWS


Tim Burton is making the rounds, promoting his latest visually-beautiful-yet-soulless motion picture, BIG EYES. Naturally, journalists are picking at the scabs of his last film, DARK SHADOWS. In his efforts to assure people that his latest film will be better, he happily throws his previous movie under the bus.

But it's not his fault DARK SHADOWS wasn't more warmly received, he tells Indiewire: 
INDIEWIRE: The last movie was "Dark Shadows," which was seen as something of a failure. What was your experience on that?  

TIM BURTON: Well it was a weird tone. Because I grew up on that show and the weird thing about it is it had a cult following but it was actually pretty bad. It had the weirdest tone. I always found the tone, even though it was deadly serious, quite comedic. And your feelings always come out. So I always knew that it was dangerous territory because I tried to capture the tone and yet the tone is funny. 
I'm curious? Who's fault was PLANET OF THE APES? MARS ATTACKS? Tim Burton has never been able to tell the difference between a good script and a bad one, and that's the root of his inability to grow as a storyteller. His films have suffered from the same style-over-substance approach since BETTLEJUICE. If he'd spent less time trying to find a "tone" (whatever that means) and developing a coherent screenplay, he might have a bit more luck. Because of his knack for failing upwards, though, it's unlikely he'll ever learn his lesson. And you can't un-bake a cake.


If you want to read the entire interview for yourself, you can find it HERE. You might want to hold your nose first, though. I'm not sure if the author is trying to interview Burton or sleep with him.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Collinsport News Bulletins


* Desmond Haas interviews KATHRYN LEIGH SCOTT about her new book, DOWN AND OUT IN BEVERLY HEELS.

* DavidSelby.com has announced the actor's appearance on the TNT series RIZZOLI & ISLES will air Tuesday, June 25, at 9 PM ET/PT.

* HULU has added episodes of DARK SHADOWS to its online collection, now offering the first 120 episodes of the series to feature BARNABAS COLLINS. These episodes make-up the first three DVD collections from MPI.

* The Multnomah County Library in Portland, Oregon, is hosting an event May 18 titled DARK SHADOWS & PUPPETRY. "Teens will use craft and art materials to bring their haunting ideas to life in the form of theatrical puppets," the library's website explains. "This project is inspired by the movie Dark Shadows and each puppet creature will leave the workshop ready to star in a moving picture!"

* An update on the campaign to get JONATHAN FRID on Canada's Walk of Fame. "At one point in his career, he was second in popularity to United States First Lady Jackie Kennedy, receiving 6,000 letters a week."

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Johnny Depp's DARK SHADOWS bloopers





"Aren't all gingers soulless creatures of the night?" 

The video above is a pleasant way to spend 60 seconds, especially if you're goofing off on the Internet at work. It doesn't have anything especially insightful to say, but the actor does a pretty good Johnny Depp impersonation. I think it's also evidence that audiences are getting tired of the shtick generated by the pairing of Depp and Burton, so it's not surprising that the director's next film is going to be Depp-free.


Now, posting anything even remotely related to last year's DARK SHADOWS movie opens up a can of worms that makes me try and avoid the subject whenever possible. That practice isn't entirely fair to the movie's fans, though, many of whom also like the original television series.

Regardless, whenever the film gets mentioned, the wild Internet Asshole sometimes makes an appearance. While population numbers of the Internet Asshole aren't what they used to be (George Lucas cut off their food supply when he stopped making Star Wars prequels a few years back) they can still cause the occasional problem when they wander into civilized areas. Just speaking Tim Burton's name around some DARK SHADOWS fans can incite a virtual flash mob of haters who can't wait to tell spout off about how Johnny Depp is a False Prophet.

I didn't like the movie. If you did, that's that's perfectly alright. Either way, just try to be nice to each other. We're all guests at Collinwood.

(Edited to include commentary.)

Monday, March 25, 2013

JOHNNY DEPP wins Kid's Choice Award for DARK SHADOWS


Say what you will about Tim Burton's DARK SHADOWS (and we've said a hell of a lot) but Johnny Depp's performance was among the film's high points. Given a better script and the dialogue surrounding the film would a lot more positive, but we're left with a handful of fun performances, some terrific production design and enough missed opportunities to fill a baseball season for the Chicago Cubs.

So, it's kind of bittersweet to see Depp named "Favorite Movie Actor" for DARK SHADOWS, even one as vapid as the Nickleodeon Kids' Choice Awards. You can see video highlights of the awards "ceremony" below. Hopefully, this news won't open too many wounds for those of you still recovering from last year's Burton/Depp debacle.


(Special thanks to David-Elijah Nahmod for the heads up about this award.)

Friday, November 23, 2012

Japanese Dark Shadows video ad

FushigiFox sent me a DVD circular from Japan, which features DARK SHADOWS on the cover. Inside was a two-page spread dedicated to the film, which plays up the more successful collaborations between Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. (Click the image for a closer look.)


Monday, October 15, 2012

Can I get extra shadows on my pizza?


 Just when you thought DARK SHADOWS couldn't get any stranger, along comes a contest sponsored by Pizza Hut ... in Japan. They're actually giving away some pretty cool prizes (which you can see HERE) but I thought the image above was kind of cute.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

We Need to Talk About Dark Shadows



Cousin Barnabas here.

It’s not exactly a secret I didn’t much care for Tim Burton’s take on DARK SHADOWS. I’m not sure many people did, but my evidence for such a claim is anecdotal. If you take a look at Tumblr, you’ll see the movie certainly has its fans, even if the demographics have little in common with the older fanbase. There's a very clear schism between these two groups, a valley dug, in part, by older fans as an effort to keep younger audiences from usurping their beloved property and transforming the brand into a Hot Topic fashion accessory.

I’ve tried to rein in the bile on this site since the movie's release. My feelings about it have softened during the last few months, probably because I haven’t seen the film since May and tend to remember the parts of it that I liked. It had a tremendous sense of visual style (a Tim Burton hallmark) and a great cast, but the script was a trainwreck of Irwin Allen proportions (another Tim Burton trademark.)
But, it was still DARK SHADOWS. Johnny Depp clearly loved Jonathan Frid’s performance and has spoken often of the show over the years, so I refuse to interpret the movie’s shortcomings as a vendetta against the original program. It was misguided, sure, but Burton has proven repeatedly that he can’t tell a good script (Ed Wood) from a bad one (Planet of the Apes, Alice in Wonderland, Batman, The Corpse Bride, etc.) If he were interested in intentionally damaging DARK SHADOWS he wouldn’t know where to begin.

So, with that in mind, I thought the DVD release of DARK SHADOWS was the perfect opportunity to revisit the film. Did we sell it short on its theatrical release? Were fans too angry about the final product, and would the fanbase have spewed bile over all things Depp/Burton no matter WHAT the final movie looked like? These things are worth talking about. And, because the cops usually get involved whenever I talk to myself in public, I decided to invite some friends to the discussion. Joining me in this group column are writers/raconteurs Phil Nobile Jr., Will McKinley and Plucky McFeatherton.

Now that you’ve had a chance to revisit DARK SHADOWS, what did you think?

WILL McKINLEY
I tried to give this movie the benefit of the doubt. I've seen it three times now, and each time I like it less. This last time, on Blu-ray, I found it infuriating. It's just a complete and utter failure.

PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
Same here. I was positively beside myself when I realized that Tim Burton and Seth Grahame-Smith had turned Dr. Julia into a doughy alcoholic. I know for a fact that Helena Bohnam Carter has a bangin' figure, so why they elected to have her don mu-mu's and down play her very Grayson Hall-esqu check bones is beyond me.

Also, did anyone else laugh out loud at "GO... WATCH... THE COOPER... WOMAN"? Easily the funniest line in the movie.


PHIL NOBILE JR.
I did like that line.

Here's the problem with adapting DARK SHADOWS: The story is the least original thing about it. Barnabas chasing a reincarnated Josette? Right out of Karloff's THE MUMMY. Yet each time they re-adapt the show, they just copy that same story, over and over. You get the sense that Smith was sent a highlights reel by Jim Pierson, or maybe watched two weeks of show, and was off to the races. What I'd hoped for, and which threatened to happen for about ten seconds in the film, was a love letter to the crazy tone of the show. Instead the movie was essentially tone-deaf, jumping from scene to scene, skimming the surface, with bits of interesting things always threatening to happen, but never taking shape. The film keeps flirting with themes of "family" but Barnabas never connects (in the 18th century or the 20th) with anyone in the family. Or his love interest. Or us.

COUSIN BARNABAS
I missed the "Cooper Woman" line during my first screening (it was probably drowned out by the sound of my breaking heart) but it was easily the best laugh of the film. It's worth pointing out that I passed up a chance to see LAWRENCE OF ARABIA on the big screen last night so that I could watch DARK SHADOWS again in preparation for this piece. Shouldn't that kind of decision cost me my right to vote or something?

The last time I saw the movie was at the midnight showing during the film's theatrical release. I've been bombarded with photos and memes via Tumblr during the last few months and was starting to think the film's flaws were my imagination. But the movie was actually worse than I remembered it. The script lacks anything resembling a narrative focus, plot, etc. Ideas are constantly thrown at the screen and immediately forgotten, but the entire project is crippled by Tim Burton's lack of interest in the movie's romance. Victoria Winters disappears during the last 45 minutes of the film, and then brought back in an "Oh shit, we totally forgot about her!" moment. It's like the entire movie was a protracted last-minute reshoot.

PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
You passed up digitally remastered Lawrence of Arabia for "boldly re-imagined in the hackneyed Tim Burton style that is neither bold nor re-imagined" Dark Shadows? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU RIGHT NOW.

Tim Burton put more effort into the totally gross monster-sex between Barnabas and fork-tongued uber-bitch Angelique than he did the budding (and also kind of gross in its own way) romance between Barnabas and Vicky (who is actually Maggie, which is a problem that will never actually be addressed in the film so why even bother?)

Also, Julia fellating Barnabas: WHO YOU FINNA TRY MR. BURTON?


WILL McKINLEY
Honestly, I don't care what the funniest line in the movie is. I don't watch DARK SHADOWS for funny lines.

And that storyline with Julia felt like it was conceived on a 10-minute conference call. "Instead of her trying to cure him, why not make it that she's trying to cure herself of aging. Because, you know, women hate aging."

PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
"Women hate aging". Nah Mr. Burton and company. Women hate being told what they hate.

COUSIN BARNABAS
I watched this with my fiancee last night, who's had to suffer through the movie twice without any prior devotion to the original television show. She highlighted a dozen different ideas in the film that were worth exploring as films, and said she'd love to see a sequel about a love triangle between Barnabas, Victoria and Julia because they all came upon their curse in different ways. Barnabas was cursed (though you'd never know it was a curse by watching this movie,) Victoria was made a vampire to save her life, while Julia actively SOUGHT IT OUT. There's a story there, but I don't trust these idiots to find it.

PHIL NOBILE JR.
"Women hate aging", and this movie HATES women! Russ Fischer at Slashfilm has an interesting take: this is Tim Burton's movie about his breakup with Lisa Marie. I hate to think that Burton spent $200 million slamming a woman who now charges $20 an autograph at horror conventions, but there's definitely a big, uncomfortable, half-baked "bitches be crazy" subtext running through this whole movie.

I have a friend who's never seen the show, and in twenty seconds he came up with a more interesting take for the film:

"It COULD have been a pretty good Burton-movie if it had been about Barnabas slowly discovering (with his comedy sidekick Willie) his family members' secrets, gaining their trust, slowly becoming their friend, leading up to the big fight at the end where everyone uses their powers in sync and OMG THEY'RE A REAL FAMILY NOW.

"The boy and his ghost mother? Barnabas should have IMMEDIATELY bought into that and gone to investigate. Chloe-wolf? Have Pfeiffer say she's going through changes and Barnabas IMMEDIATELY assumes it's lycanthropy because his mind is in 1780s mode.

"There'd be MOMENTUM! How unheard of!

"Instead nope everybody just walks around being miserable and then CGI fight scene the end."


WILL McKINLEY
For you guys who saw it in the movie theater (all of us?), did you have any walk-outs? When I saw it on opening night at midnight, there were too few people to walk out. If anyone had walked out it would have left me alone in a 200-seat theater. But when I went the next night, there were at least three couples who left. Now, I understand people do that in multiplexes, because they can just walk into another film. But I can't remember the last movie I thought was bad enough to walk out on.

PHIL NOBILE JR.
I was at a press screening; a walkout would have been hilarious. For this conversation I watched it again and nodded off after 20 minutes, if that counts.

PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
No walk-outs, just a very nearly empty movie theater. Me and a bunch of teenage girls. I think the tragedy of Dark Shadows as a Tim Burton fustercluck was lost on them.

COUSIN BARNABAS
I didn't see any walkouts, either. I was at a midnight screening, and the kind of people who show up to a movie at midnight on Thursday are pretty much committed to the experience, good or bad.
Then again, I didn't see any walkouts during BATMAN AND ROBIN, either, and that movie is still my personal gold standard for bad movie experiences.

WILL McKINLEY
DARK SHADOWS makes BATMAN AND ROBIN look like CITIZEN KANE.




COUSIN BARNABAS
I don't know about that ... I still suffer from PTSD from BATMAN AND ROBIN. Ice-related puns send me into convulsions and I often wake up screaming from nightmares about that fucking Batman credit card.

But I digress.

The Barnabas/Angelique sex scene is pretty much the apex of the movie's problem: Neither character has defined powers. Barnabas is 21st Century vampire, which pretty much makes him Superman, while Angelique can do anything she wants, whenever she wants. She needs a forked tongue for the sake of a joke? Done. She's survived 200 years without explanation? Fine. She can bring furniture to life with the flick of her wrist? Whatever.

She's a walking "deus ex machina" character, which goes a long way toward explaining the movie's deus ex machina ending ... it was the only thing that could stop an unstoppable character.

Also, was there some kind of relationship between Angelique and Collinwood? She seemed to get injured whenever the property took damage, but it was never addressed.

PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
There was definitely something about the way the film was edited that gave it an unfinished feel, as if the original script (and I guess the movie as it was originally filmed) was much more complex, more dynamic, and maybe didn't move at a breakneck pace.

I've always gotten the sense that Tim Burton likes to coat Johnny Depp in layers and layers of makeup to somehow compensate for the fact that he essentially plays the same character in every film in the Tim Burton universe. The facial expressions and mannerisms will always be the same, and only the look of the character changes. I didn't get a sense go Jonathan Frid at all from Johnny Depp's Barnabas. It made me miss the REAL Barnabas Collins.

PHIL NOBILE JR
Over and over I keep coming back to the script as the culprit. I love the series but I didn't expect reverence.  I would have LOVED a comedic take that was actually funny. But the humor was just lazy, and kept relying on obvious montages of Rip Van Winkle jokes. Three montages? Four? That got old fast. The approach didn't bother me, the changes didn't bother me, but goddamn it, Smith's ability to mix horror and humor apparently ends at title mash-ups.


COUSIN BARNABAS
That's the downside to playing an homage: You're constantly reminding the audience of the OTHER guy. I didn't much like the new STAR TREK movie (though I didn't hate it) and one of the smart decisions they made was to avoid having Chris Pine do a William Shatner impersonation. The most flattering thing I could say about ST is that it was a deft piece of commercial cinema, which is a meager accomplishment that DARK SHADOWS didn't manage.

PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
I can go with you on this one. It would have been unsettling to see Johnny Depp channeling Jonathan Frid. Unfortunately his only other option was to combine Edward Scissorhands and Jack Sparrow.

WILL McKINLEY
Johnny Depp IS channeling Jonathan Frid. Everything about his performance is based upon Frid, including inflection and the way he moves his head when he speaks. His Barnabas is a DIRECT homage, which is why it's so disconcerting to see him in the middle of this dreck.

COUSIN BARNABAS
I think Depp and Michelle Pfeiffer are the two saving graces of this film, even though they aren’t given much to do. My favorite bit of acting in the entire movie is by Depp, just as Dr. Hoffman is preparing to hypnotize him. In that moment he feels like a real character and not just a collection of quirks. Depp certainly meant well, but his trust in Burton was misguided.

PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
Johnny Depp SAYS he's channeling Frid, but I don't see it. Granted, it could be that I'm looking for something else familiar from Frid's Barnabas, something that I noticed personally that I'm not seeing in Depp's performance that's throwing me off, but I just can't go with you on this one.
Maybe I can't see it because on the whole, the movie is so far divorced from Dark Shadows as we know it that it's hard to place a familiar Barnabas in an unfamiliar Burton-tacular landscape.


PHIL NOBILE JR
That was the biggest misstep in tone. The series lives in this hermetically sealed bubble; I'm pretty sure I never even saw a TV on the show. But for easy jokes Burton has immersed Collinsport in pop culture - books, music, television. It takes away from what made the show unique and adds virtually nothing.

COUSIN BARNABAS
The reason Barnabas was able to survive on the original show was because he had a profound lack of curiosity about the outside world. He lived like a ghost, haunting the "old house" and rarely ventured out beyond Collinwood. He didn't care about telephones, pop culture, television, etc. He had about as much use for that stuff as my grandfather has for Twitter, which is none at all. On the original show, it was still a BAD THING to be a vampire.

PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
Yeah guys, I'm coming with you on this one. Just watched Johnny Depp's Barnabas back to back with Jonathan Frid's on Ye Olde YouTube. He just looks like Johnny Depp playing Johnny Depp to me.

COUSIN BARNABAS
I know people are getting tired of Johnny Depp, but I still like the guy. I think there's more going on with his characters than "just" playing chalk-faced weirdos, and I'm not holding a grudge for SHADOWS. It's just one more well-intended misfire from Burton, who is an amazing production designer that's paid tons of cash to be a storyteller. If I paid the David Bowie to fix my plumbing, I'd only have myself to blame when he fucked it up.

Has anyone seen any new fans sign up because of this film? I think the anticipation of the film generated a lot of new SHADOWS fans, but the actual film hasn't done much for the brand. I don't know if you noticed, but the back of the DVD/Blu makes no reference to the TV show.

PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
I tried enticing my little sisters (12 & 14) but it's hard to get anyone under 25 to sit still not just for Dark Shadows, but for anything that doesn't offer constant action. Granted, the series gets less creeping in its pace as it moves forward (and, y'know, backwards) but initially winced every time my siblings deferred to their smartphones for entertainment during their introduction to Dark Shadows.  


WILL McKINLEY
One more thing. What pushed me over the edge, I think, were the "special features" on the Blu-ray. There are NINE little behind-the-scenes packages that were shot and edited specifically for this release. NOT ONE of them is about the original series. NOT ONE of them is a tribute to Jonathan Frid, without whom none of this would be happening. 

When Frid died so close to the movie's release, my first thought was, "Well, it's too late to dedicate the film to him. But I'm sure they'll do something on the DVD." Nothing. His face appears for ONE SECOND in one of the special features, along with a shot of the logo and Lara Parker. They don't even reference him by name. And here are the soundbites from the special feature that the images are meant to support:

Derek Frey, Associate Producer: "The television show was trying to pull off things that maybe it didn't have the budget or the means to."

Johnny Depp: "'Dark Shadows' the series did it well within whatever restrictions they had. But it was time to take it to another level."

Derek Frey, Associate Producer: "Were able to tell the DS story with a much grander scope, on a bigger scale."

So, they only reference the source material to point out how flawed it is, to damn it with faint praise?
These people did not come up with "Dark Shadows." Art Wallace, Gordon Russell, Ron Sproat, Sam Hall and Dan Curtis did. Burton and Seth Grahame-Smith just remixed it. And they did a shitty job. And there are no acknowledgements to the people that created this, other than Dan Curtis. This is unforgivable.

COUSIN BARNABAS
Uh, yeah ... I don't think it's a good idea for me to watch those features. It might prompt some kind of Hulk-related incident here in South Carolina.

WILL McKINLEY
FUCK ALL THOSE BITCHES.

PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
As a Dark Shadows fan, I really only had one humble wish in the months leading up to the premier of Tim Burton's Dark Shadows movie: Just don't fuck it up. Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the donkey, just don't fuck it up. Unfortunately Tim Burton and Seth Grahame-Won't-Be-Working-Year-From-Now remained loyal to the source material only in the sense that they didn't change the name to Technicolor 1970's Vampire Romance (But Not Really, You Guys) Extravaganza!

Dark Shadows was terrible. It was terrible in a laughable, MST3K-worthy way and it was terrible in a way that elicited a collective groan from a deeply emotionally invested fan base who was genuinely hoping for a DS movie that wouldn't fall squarely with in the realm of Things That Are Craptacular That We Wish We Could Forget.

It was clear before Dark Shadows was released that with the notable exceptions of Michelle Pfeiffer and Johnny Depp, no ones heart was in the right place going in to this film and that's super unfortunate, because what ended up in theaters was a movie where the director, producer, and writer were clearly in on the joke and the two principle players, the ones old enough to remember getting REALLY TEEN-ANGSTY EXCITED about Dark Shadows back when vampires were still Bela Legosi in a cape, weren't in on it at all.

And that just sucks.

Sometimes being a DS fan is like watching your teddy bear (or applicable favorite childhood plush) get repeatedly run over by a pick up truck in slow motion while Tim Burton films it with a steady cam.

PHIL NOBILE JR.
Making Barnabas just a visibly obvious vampire really killed the other great subtext of the series - of the lonely "bachelor" living with a secret, and honestly just about every decision they made confirmed to me that I was right way back when: http://badassdigest.com/2010/12/14/terror-tuesday-how-burtons-dark-shadows-could-be-great-but-wont-be/


ABOUT THE AUTHORS: I'm not going to try to summarize the credits of the contributing writers for this piece because I'll leave out something important. But, if you want to read more from these folks, here are some good places to start:

 PHIL NOBILE JR.
Twitter
Badass Digest





WILL McKINLEY
Twitter





PLUCKY MCFEATHERTON
Twitter
Plucky Chicken







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