Saturday, August 29, 2015

KANYE WEST: REANIMATOR is not the weirdest book on Amazon

It's been said that the Gutenberg Press democratized writing, and that print-on-demand technology has done the same for publishing. Keep in mind that democracy have given us Donald Trump as a presidential candidate, while the other holds some degree of accountability for FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. I'll let you decide which one is better.

For those of you who thought PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES was the pinnacle/nadir of western literature, it was quickly followed by LITTLE WOMEN AND WEREWOLVES, a book with even less reason to exist. But neither of them have a shot for the title of "Strangest Book on Amazon." I spent some a few minutes exploring the darkest corners of Kindle Direct Publishing and have returned with these gems. And also a weird rash.

Of Kanye West, who was my friend in college and after he dropped out, I can speak only with extreme sadness... So begins this epic cautionary tale of ambition and hubris. A bizarre mix of Lovecraft and hip-hop history, Kanye West—Reanimator reimagines the classic story "Herbert West—Reanimator" with everyone's favorite petulant genius cast in the titular role. In it, Kanye West attempts to reanimate a moribund hip-hop scene, only to come to the conclusion that his music is so powerful, it should be used to reanimate the dead. And who better to reanimate than those two legendary titans gone before their time—Biggie and Tupac? Hilarity and carnage ensue. LINK

The Lizard-Man is a legendary creature said to be found in the rural swamps of South Carolina. He's a cryptid who has scales, and he has claws, and he has... me! See what happens when a city girl ends up with a flat tire in the wrong part of the swamp! The Lizard-Man won't be satisfied with anything but my total capitulation and he won't take no for answer. And believe you me, I was surprised at what he had to offer! Will I submit to the beast? Read to find out! LINK

Joanne Lagrasse is a newly graduated college student living the life. Well, if the life is sitting in your apartment all day trying to research monsters for a novel. The strange book her favorite professor gave her is full of ramblings by what must be a mad man, which makes for uneasy reading and a loner lifestyle. She pushes herself to go out to the beach, though she takes the tome with her. When she decides to ignore her professor's warning and reads a chant out loud, she finds herself faced with a giant monster and its lewd tentacles, each one eager to fill her holes. LINK

Living next door to a “mad scientist” seems spooky enough till Cord discovers a “man-made man”—a Frankenstein-type creation—in Doctor Moroney’s basement while the doctor is out of town. Moroney has pre-programmed his creation to want sex and be well endowed for it…and the monster wants Cord as his mate! LINK

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