DARK SHADOWS meets The Damned

Back in 2001, THE DAMNED released the album "Grave Disorder." From the very beginning the British band had been pulling in a lot of different directions, merging politics, horror, humor, social commentary and romanticism into a bizarre stew that still has people arguing about whether or not they're really "punk." (Judge's ruling: Yes, they are.)

"Grave Disorder" did nothing to mend that image and featured songs about horror movies, absinthe, John Lennon's dubious place in rock history, and the surreal bullshit surrounding Michael Jackson in his later years.

The album also features the gothic ballad "'Til the End of Time," a song that may or may not be about Barnabas Collins. Here's a sample:

I've woken from darkness with passion
You're surely to blame for it
This torture so wicked
You hurt me just for the hell of it

The lyrics certainly suggest the song is about a vampire, but there are two things that makes me think it might have been directly inspired by DARK SHADOWS. First, the TV series had been airing on The Sci-Fi Channel in the U.K. for several years when the album was released. (It would be a stretch to even call that evidence "circumstantial," though.) But, leading into the song is a proverbial smoking gun: "'Til the End of Time,"  kicks off with a sample of Lara Parker's dialogue from the original series.

Making that connection is a trifle difficult, though, thanks to how the album was edited. The tracks were chopped to allow the songs to begin at the start of each track listing, shuffling the seques (such as Parker's monologue from episode 561) to the end of the previous songs. So, if you want to hear the DARK SHADOWS sample, you actually have to listen to the the song "Neverland." Life can be complicated like that.

If you want to hear the sample for yourself, follow this link and skip to the 3:20 mark.

(Note: Yes, I know that magazine clipping below gets Dave Vanian's name wrong.)

Robert Cobert's "Ode to Angelique"

The DARK SHADOWS phenomenon was beginning to wind down in 1970. Fans have been speculating for decades about the causes of the show's decline, but I think it's simply a matter of fatigue. Nothing lasts forever, and DARK SHADOWS managed to outlast contemporary series like STAR TREK, BATMAN and WILD WILD WEST — none of which made it out of the 1960s.

Billboard: July 4, 1070.

That fatigue was evident with the release of Robert Cobert's final(?) single from DARK SHADOWS, "Ode to Angelique." Released in in August, 1970, I can't find any evidence that the song even charted. Which is a shame, because it's a pretty good melody, and as distinctive as any of the previous selections of DARK SHADOWS music released.

As with the previous singles, "Ode to Angelique" also functioned as a plot element of the television series: The melody was written by composer Bruno Hess, an obsessed (and psychotic) former lover of Angelique Collins during the "Parallel Time" storyline. The 45 was backed with a track by Cobert titled "Missy" which appears to have nothing to do with DARK SHADOWS. The track was later included in the DARK SHADOWS 30th ANNIVERSARY COLLECTION album released in 1996.

Below is a collection of memorabilia related to the song, including a playlist from a New Jersey radio station that hilariously sandwiched the melody between tracks by Sugarloaf and Jackie DeShannon.

Note: The DARK SHADOWS fansite Darkness Falls recently returned from the dead and has the piano sheet music for "Ode to Angelique" available for download. Nevermind. It appears to be down again.

The cast of DARK SHADOWS by The Clay Guy

More than a year ago, I shared a few links to DARK SHADOWS-themed sculptures created by a Chicago-based artist calling himself The Clay Guy. Coincidentally, Mr. Guy was one of the vendors present last weekend at MAD MONSTER PARTY, and he brought his friends from Collinsport with him. I snapped some photos of the characters, which were tucked in alongside sculptures of Buffy Summers, Herbert West, Jack Torrence, etc.

If you like his work, you can find him online at www.clayguy.com. Or jump straight to his DARK SHADOWS gallery by clicking HERE.

DARK SHADOWS FAN ART: Angelique

The original TV portrait.

DARK SHADOWS loves its portraits. At one time or another, most of the show's leads had their likeness done in oils, from Burke Devlin to Quentin Collins. Visual art played such a role in the series that the cast of characters even included a few people that were portraits come to life. Naturally, this fascination with art extends to fans of the series.

Last year, BILL BRANCH shared some of his DARK SHADOWS-inspired work with this website, but this artwork of Angelique (specifically Angelique Stokes Collins, for those of you keeping score at home) somehow slipped through the cracks. Branch created this art on an antique sewing machine cabinet that he gutted. And the tulips he added to the background of the image? Angelique tulips, of course.

Mego-style DARK SHADOWS toys available in May

It looks like the long wait will finally be over in May.

After teasing an extensive line of DARK SHADOWS-themed action figures a few years ago at the San Diego Comic Con, the company released only three figures before disappearing. Spectre was even in the process of polling customers on which figures they'd like to next see added to the line (Dr. Hoffman was fairing well in the race, if I remember correctly) but then POOF! Nothing. The company's website disappeared and we heard nothing more about the project. At least we got action figures of Barnabas Collins, Angelique and the Collinsport Werewolf before things went tits up.

Then, last year, Spectre began to solicit new DARK SHADOWS toys online through websites like Entertainment Earth. The second wave of figures included Quentin Collins, Josette DePres and Willie Loomis, and were originally slated to be released around the time of last year's TIM BURTON movie. The release date for these toys was again delayed, this time until May, 2013.

So far, we've been given no reason to believe this date will be again delayed, but it's anyone's guess how many units of these toys are being produced. I've sold quite a few of these items on my site as "pre-orders" during the past six months, and it's not impossible that some of these toys will sell out quickly. The Barnabas Collins figure, for example, vanished from the market long ago, prompting Spectre Toys to add him to this second wave of toys.

That being said, you can still find the original Angelique and "Comic Con Exclusive" Werewolf figures for sale at retail price, but I suspect interest in the new line of toys will boost demand for those toys, as well. If you want any of these items, it's not a good idea to wait. The original Barnabas Collins figure has routinely been selling for several times its retail value since initially selling out, so procrastination will likely prove to be costly for DARK SHADOWS collectors.

Here are direct links for each DARK SHADOWS Mego-style toy:

THE COLLINSPORT WEREWOLF

BARNABAS COLLINS

QUENTIN COLLINS

ANGELIQUE BOUCHARD

WILLIE LOOMIS

JOSETTE DUPRES

Moonlight Maxims

Trashy Little Cuties: Angelique and Josette

Lisa Petrucci is a fan of DARK SHADOWS. The Seattle-based artist has pieces featuring a few of the show's characters tucked away among her many other works at her website, www.lisapetrucci.com.

"I actually came to DARK SHADOWS late in life,"she told Target Audience Magazine in July. "It was on TV when I was a kid, but I wasn’t allowed to watch it! However I had always been intrigued by the show and pictures I’d seen in horror magazines. When I moved to Seattle, I discovered friends who are fans of the show and they introduced it to me on video. I decided to take the plunge and started watching the 1,245 episodes on dvd and was immediately hooked. I’ve done one Dark Shadows themed painting to date, but definitely get my “goth” on from time to time."

Since then, Petrucci must have completed a second DARK SHADOWS piece, because Darren C. has them both hanging at his home (the images you see above belong to him.)

You can read the entire interview with Petrucci HERE.

Book Report: The Salem Branch

Reading a book written by an actress sounds about as much fun as watching a professional chef teach himself to play saxophone. I'm sure it's fun if you're the one holding the sax, but it's as satisfying as a lap dance for those of us in the audience. Regardless of how fond I might be of Lara Parker, I didn't have any interest in watching her (or anyone else) pass off their learning process as entertainment.

After a dozen Marilyn Ross novels, though, I ran out of reasons not to see what Parker had to bring to the table. A first-time novelist can't be any worse than a someone like Ross, who was more passionate about how fast he could crank out a story than in, you know, telling a good story. To paraphrase H.P. Lovecraft's thoughts on Robert Chambers, the most frustrating thing about Ross's DARK SHADOWS novels is how easily they could have been made better.

Circumstances eventually paved the way that made me a little more open to the idea of reading THE SALEM BRANCH.
For a few months in 2011 I had an hour-long commute to work in Lumberton, N.C. When you're driving at 3 a.m., you feel like the only person on the planet. Some people can't handle that level of placid isolation. As a card carrying misanthropist, though, I loved it. What I didn't love so much was the drive home in the afternoon. It was hot as hell and the traffic was bumper-to-bumper on the interstate at 80 mph. But, this wasn't the problem.

When you're awake at three in the morning, three in the afternoon feels like your biorhythms have been wrapped in a wet towel. When your body's ready to shut down, energy drinks, sunlight, danger and your least favorite Mötorhead album won't be enough to keep you awake. More than once I found myself nodding off behind the wheel as my car rocketed down the highway at 80 mph. I was too tired to be scared, but knew there was a problem.

Big Finish came to the rescue. I'd been interested in their products for a while, but didn't have a lot of time to sit and stare into space for an hour at a time to listen to their original audio dramas. The commute to Lumberton changed that and, within a few weeks, I'd breezed through about half of their DARK SHADOWS inventory. And that included the two releases that comprised the reading of Parker's first novel, ANGELIQUE'S DESCENT.

It ... wasn't great.

ANGELIQUE'S DESCENT wasn't a total waste of time, though. Big Finish wisely chopped the book into two volumes. The second contains Parker's retelling of the 1795 storyline, though its a version of the tale that's been gutted of nuance. It also includes a few ridiculous additions to the melodrama (Spoiler Alert: Angelique and Josette are really ... SISTERS!

But the first half of the story, the part that has no significant obligations to the television show's continuity, wasn't bad. It was fairly compelling, reading (at times) like Margaret Mitchell filtered through WEIRD TALES. It tells the story of Angelique's childhood, when she was held in bondage by a Caribbean farmer who used her as a figurehead "goddess" in voodoo rituals to keep his slaves docile. It was spooky and the stakes felt significant, but it never felt much like DARK SHADOWS. Afterward, I wasn't doing cartwheels about the idea of reading THE SALEM BRANCH.

I'm not made of stone. Put Jonathan Frid on the cover of a book and, sooner or later, I'm bound to read it. I'd probably abandon all of my values and read a Dan Brown novel if Barnabas made an appearance. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's true. (Note: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM DARK SHADOWS, MR. BROWN.)

THE SALEM BRANCH represents a huge step forward for Parker as a writer. Set in two time periods, the book attempts to elaborate on the relationship between Angelique/Miranda DuVal and warlock Judah Zachary, while following "modern" Collinwood in the years after the original series ended in 1970. I never understood the connection between Miranda/Angelique (it always seemed like sloppy storytelling to me on the part of the show's writers) and THE SALEM BRANCH didn't do much to erase my confusion. Fortunately, the two time periods have little to do with each other narratively, but they created a decent amount of tension as the two tales unfolded.

What I liked about the book was Parker's grasp of characterization. While still sympathetic, Barnabas is painted as a man damned by his own contradictory nature. As the story begins he's once again human, though troubled by his own frailties. He's also beginning to regret promises made to his fiancee, Julia Hoffman, mostly because he knows he lacks the strength of character to follow through with them.

The crazy (sometimes silly) story elements are in keeping with the crazy silliness of the original show and don't feel out of place (as did the twists in ANGELIQUE'S DESCENT.) Barnabas and David unknowingly try pot brownies, vampires, zombies and (gasp!) hippies roam the grounds of Collinwood, and the rivalry between Barnabas and Quentin is revived as a woman who might be Angelique moves into town. The flashback story might be a little grim, but the "modern" stuff is a hoot.

Admittedly, I might be a little beaten down after 2012. The Tim Burton movie was a disappointment and the DARK SHADOWS comics from Dynamite have gone downhill faster (and nastier) than the contents of a ruptured sewage line at Mordor. I might have been easy pickings.

Still, THE SALEM BRANCH represents one of the few times we've been allowed to return to Collinwood than didn't make me want to cry myself to sleep in a dark room. It was good enough to make me look forward to her follow up, WOLF MOON RISING, though it appears to have been pushed back a year to October, 2013. I'd also be interested in reading a book from her that wasn't about DARK SHADOWS, hint hint if you're reading this, Mrs. Parker.

Quentin and Angelique by Belle Dee

Artist Belle Dee has some terrific DARK SHADOWS-related artwork in the latest edition of VIDEO WATCHDOG. Prints of the Barnabas Collins art were made available for sale, and Dee mentions prints for the rest could be available soon. "I'll be doing a big print run next month that will include these and many of my Halloween themed pieces. In the meantime, run out and get your copy of this terrific magazine today," Dee said.

I've shared the art of Quentin and Angelique above, but visit Doo Wacka Doodles to see art of  Barnabas and Dr. Hoffman.

Ken Turner Vs Angelique

© 2012 Ken Turner.

Last week, artist Ken Turner posted ink and watercolor art of Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins. He's followed that with another color Dark Shadows piece, this time of Eva Green as Angelique! You can find more of his work posted at his website, kenturner.blogspot.com.

Angelique: Dark Shadows desktop wallpaper

Desktop wallpaper of Lara Parker as the witch Angelique, sized for 1280x800 monitors.

Josette & Angelique: A gothic Betty and Veronica?

Those were my thoughts the other day as I was watching episodes of the 1795 story arc. But moments after pressing the "Tweet" button I had another thought: Is the Angelique/Josette rivalry a riff on the Betty and Veronica feud from Archie comics?

I don't think these similarities are intentional, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. But in Dark Shadows' own perverse manner it transformed Veronica into the spoiled innocent, while Betty is made a corrupt bully.

I think it's safe to say that Barnabas is just as clueless as Archie (though Vampire Barnabas is more of a Reggie.) I don't know who Jughead would be.

The 1795 story arc is probably my favorite in the entire series and is where Dark Shadows becomes the show we remember. The 1795 story  is rich and complex, and only grows more complicated the deeper into it we get. The story also establishes one of Dark Shadows' favorite motifs: when all else fails, feed your dangling plot points to Barnabas.

It also has some of the show's best villains in Nathan Forbes, the Reverend Trask, Angelique and, eventually Barnabas Collins. But the story also features one of my least favorite characters in the entire series: Josette Du Pres.

This isn't a criticism of Katherine Leigh Scott, who I admire a great deal. Given the opportunity I'll watch pretty much anything she does, and the existence of Pomegranate Press is a testament to how smart and capable she really is. As far as I'm concerned KLS is a superhero.

But Josette was always an appallingly underwritten character and it's kind of shameful that she was more interesting dead than she ever was alive. It's never really made clear why Barnabas Collins is in love with her (a phenomenon that even Lara Parker struggled to explain in her Dark Shadows novels) and Josette sometimes seems like a character that's wandered in from another television show. She would have been much more at home on an episode of Bonanza. She certainly would have been happier.

I understand that Josette is supposed to be an innocent, and in that regard the character works. She is clearly out of her depth and is nothing more than a pawn in Angelique's campaign to conquer Barnabas. Josette is a child who is trapped in the middle of a very adult war, and if you were to remove the supernatural elements from the story she would still be at a loss to defend herself.

But Josette is further hobbled by the writers obvious love of Angelique, whose character is given the chance to develop through genuine drama and conflict. It's always a little ambiguous whether or not Angelique really loves Barnabas or if she just hates to hear the word "No" (it might be a little bit of both.) As the story begins to wind down, though, we see that Angelique is not nearly as corrupt as we were lead to believe. She's treated like trash by the Collins family and has the backbone to defy them on nothing more than moral principle. And, when Joshua tries to bribe her with a sum equal to millions of today's dollars, she still gives him the metaphorical finger.

Lara Parker was always baffled as to why Angelique became a feminist icon in the '60s, but when your competition faints whenever the wind changes direction ... well, Angelique is clearly the more independent figure.

Winner: Angelique.