Wednesday, May 16, 2012

You're not winning any friends here, Dynamite

Dynamite has just announced the stupidest comicbook crossover this side of Marvel Zombies Meets Army of Darkness (which is a real thing, btw.) Just this morning I posted a scathing review of the latest issue of Dynamite's Dark Shadows series, but now I think they're just fucking with me: Dark Shadows Meets Vampirella.

From the press release:

"Barnabas Collins and Vampirella are two classic characters in vampire lore, so getting the chance to pen their first meeting is a blast," says writer Marc Andreyko. "I remember watching Dark Shadows reruns and sneaking peeks at the Vampirella magazines when I was just a wee lad, so getting to do this book seems like fate! And I'm not going easy on Barnabas or Vampi in this series, either! They are going to be put through a gauntlet of terror before this book is through!"

In case you didn't know, Vampirella is an alien from the planet Drakulon, who ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I'm guessing by the cover that Dynamite is gunning for more a) blind readers, b) 13-year-old boys or c) adults who have never seen an actual human female.

UPDATE: The cover reminds me of this parody of a teaser image for The Avengers movie. Anyone out there want to take a stab at creating a parody of the Dark Shadows/Vampirella cover that shows Barnabas ass-out toward the reader?


6 comments:

Mrs. Cousin Barnabas said...

I think she's actually standing behind a cape, and then in front of her is half a mannequin. That's the only way I can parse what's going on there that doesn't make my eyes throw up.

Also, Barnabas' fist is the size of his head.

Guy said...

Ulp! Either my doppelganger or my parallel time self threw up in my mouth a little bit!

Mrs. Cousin Barnabas said...

I've also often wondered how those comic book women get dressed in the morning. Does she have a whole closet full of... fabric straps? And a bucket of glue, and a roller? Does she get them a bit wrong sometimes, and is it the kind of glue where you have a few seconds to reposition it? How exactly does she manage to get it right without being able to see past her enormous boobs? Does she have a ladies' maid to do all the cutting and glueing and positioning for her? Is it O'Brian from Downton Abbey? Upon closer examination, is she actually Thomas from Downton Abbey after a botched sex change and the removal of select internal organs? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Shokoshu said...

If I followed one of the latest continuity wannabes correctly, Vampirellas costume is a sentient symbiote, like that Venom stuff. You better don't think too long about it :-)

majkinja said...

I didn't expect any class from a Vampirella pose but the sway on her back with the cape over makes her body completely disjointed. I do like her face and hair though.
For me as an Dark Shadows fan the likeness of the DS characters is more important to me than the look of Vampirella. I read the issue a little while back and didn't recognize Quentin. He's the most half assed drawn character I've seen since the horrendously drawn Gold Key issues.

arromdee said...

Vampirella is not an alien from the planet Draculon. That origin is an old origin which was scrapped in the 1990's.

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